Packing Procrastination

I always wait until the last minute to pack. Bad idea. My flight leaves at 6:40 a.m., which means that I have to be there 5:30ish . . . this is not looking good. I haven't even started yet. Boo.

Tomorrow, I'm heading off to the boonies of North Dakota to help out with and participate as the maid of honor in my gul's wedding. (The gul getting married is the cutie pie on the left in the picture in the sidebar above the caption "My guls.") The wedding isn't until June 14th, but I'm going two weeks early to help out with all of the stuff, wedding shower, dress fittings, song practicings, etc. I'm so excited and happy for my gul. She's taking the big plunge! (Will I be next?)

Anyway, I won't be incommunicado, but my postings will probably be less frequent for the next two weeks. Now, if I could just decide what to bring . . .

Ruggedly Handsome

Anyway, I just watched Things We Lost in the Fire. It was okay . . . a few elements of the plot were kind of unbelievable, but overall the acting was decent. Nevertheless, my Benicio del Toro crush was hopelessly revived. It's hard to find a good picture of Benicio because his handsomeness is mad rugged. Hard core rugged. Like if you ever met him in person, you'd be smothered in ruggedness. He's one of those guys who's definitely better appreciated in action.

(Added 5/30/08 @ 11:33 a.m.): An unlikely source has enlightened me as to the heart of Benicio's allure. He has presence. That's why a photo doesn't do him justice. You have to see him in action in order to get a feel of his presence.

The Update That Really Isn't an Update

(Sigh.) Will I regret this?

If I have to start out even asking that question, chances are that I will. Maybe.

I vowed not to give an update unless things had "radically and irrevocably" changed concerning "getting to know this guy." Being that this guy is a regular reader, there is only so much I can divulge without being unnecessarily transparent and/or inflating his ego (which has probably already happened because he's getting, albeit anonymous, air time. Er, blog time.)

So, do I fixedly blog around this guy as I have vowed to do, or do I sporadically give non-updates?

Non-update: I am still getting to know him. I will probably get to know him even more if I continue getting to know him.

I'm an Official Traitor

Today I went up to Auburn to get all the GTA (graduate teaching assistant) paperwork done, and since I was in the area, I stopped by the campus bookstore to get an official t-shirt since they're asking all Spain trip participants to wear one to the airport so that we're easily identifiable as part of the same group.

I found the one that suited my tastes the most: Auburn orange with navy blue letters outlined in white that says, simply, "Auburn."

I was so pleased with my purchase that I slipped into the ladies room and put it on. As soon as I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt the gravity of what I had done. I hope the Bear isn't turning over in his grave. I still have one of his hats . . . I just can't wear it with the shirt.

Sunflower Day

If you haven't noticed, I am wild about sunflowers. They're just so bright, spunky, happy, energetic and beautiful. To me, sunflowers represent all the good there is in the world. They're floral encarnations of rays of sunshine that enliven your life and make you feel happy to be alive.

Today is a sunflower day. I woke up bathed in sunshine that filtered through my windows. I spent time with people that I love. I laughed with carefree abandon. I went to the park and got on the swings. I felt the welcome breeze as the sun beat down on me.

I know it's a bad idea to romanticize life. I know there's a danger in looking at everything through rose colored glasses. I know that simply ignoring pain, horror and sadness is naive. It's audacious to think you can somehow escape reality.

Though I know things will inevitably change about my present mood and situation, I just have to say that today, everything is beautiful.

Confessions of a Blogger

This article is a little long, but engrossing. In a scary way, I could identify with the author's feelings concerning blogging about her life. Granted, blogging is not a part of my job, neither does my blogging even come close to the big time stuff she was involved in, but the general thrust of her narrative has striking similarities to some stories I could tell that all revolve around sharing thoughts and details of life with pairs of eyes around the world. Check it out here.

What is up with my generation's impulse towards self-exposure? The positive consequences can be delightful and solidarity-building. But the negative consequences can be devestating and disastrous. Why do I continue to do it? I guess in some part because I've strived to keep the purpose of my blog at the forefront of my mind: creative outlet as opposed to no holds barred auto-expose. That is not to say that revealing the personal hasn't put me in some awkward, even demoralizing predicaments. But I think that I've learned from my mistakes and that overall, I've been pretty balanced about it. Secondly, I continue to blog because, at least for me, the positive consequences have far outweighed the negative.

Like many things in life, I guess blogging is one more item that falls under the bittersweet category.

The Last Debate

NYT columnist Maureen Dowd wrote a hilarious imagined conversation between Hillary and Barack. Check it out here.

My Smoke Detector Does Its Job

I had this sexy idea that I was going to light a couple of scented candles in my bathroom so that I could shower by fragrant, sultry candlelight. (sigh) Me and my borderline pyromania.

It didn't go over without a hitch. No sooner had I lit the things than my ear-splitting smoke detector started going off. Spacy me forgot to take into account the proximity of the smoke detector to the bathroom. Talk about killing the mood! Even taking the battery out didn't shut it up. I'm sure I lost a few percentage points of my hearing. My smoke detector is hard core. Nothing can be done but allow it to run its incessant, annoying, shrill course. At least I can take comfort in knowing that if something seriously fire related went down, I would be abundantly alerted. I guess that's kind of the smoke detector's job.

Commencement

Today was commencement at my place of employment. It's a small private school and all of the teachers participate. The whole faculty dons cap and gown and those little stoles that nearly choke you which display the colors representing your alma mater. I'm so schizophrenic. I graduated from Alabama and now I'm going to Auburn for grad school. All of my UA grad co-workers are telling me, "Don't forget where you've come from," and all of my AU grad co-workers are telling me, "You've finally made the right choice! War Eagle!"

It finally started to sink in that this was the last time I'd be participating in commencement at the place I've called home for 3 years. This was my first real job. Though I'm ready to move on, I know I'm going to miss it.

It's amazing how things change. It's amazing how worries that once heartwrenchingly consumed you are so easily forgotten. How something unheard of can transform into the familiar. How hesitation can give way to embrace. Even though I'm going through this weird, transitional period, somehow, the prospect of the future doesn't trouble me as it has done in the past. Instead, it makes me giddy with expectation.

What Is That Smell?

That's what I'd been asking myself for the past couple of days of my apartment.

I hate bad smells. (I mean, who likes them?) And I despise it when I cannot find the source to eradicate them. I finally realized that it was a container of broccoli, cauliflower and carrots gone bad in my refrigerator. I mean, it was wretched. It was not just a garbagey, nasty smell, it was kind of tangy, too. Like an incredibly foul tang. How did something so healthy turn into something so God awful? Neglect and procrastination. I kept telling myself I was going to eat it one day, but never did. Now I never will. Thank goodness this is just broccoli, cauliflower and carrots we're dealing with here.

I have an array of scented candles that I've never burned in my apartment. But I've recently bought a gignormous box of matches. There's something about about striking a match and watching things burn that is so attractive to me. I may be a borderline pyromaniac. So, I used eradicating the tangy smell of rotten veggies as an excuse to light every single scented candle I own. Ah! Now my apartment smells divine. If not suffocatingly sweet.

Obamamania

Things are looking up for my boy. He's blown Hillary out of the water recently, and though she trounced him in West Virginia, it didn't make a dent. At this point, there's really nothing homegirl can do to bolster her weak case for the nomination. Plus she's $20 million in the hole. And on top of that, the Edwards endorsement. Aw, man, both of them were madly feenin for Edwards to swing their way after he dropped out. Not counting Bill Richardson's act of treachery, lol, that's got to be the sting the smarts the most.

In a way, I feel sorry for her. She was the assumed nominee when this thing got started. I believe she worked hard to get where she did. Then a young, scrappy, upstart with a funny name turned it upside down. The more I think about it, the more amazing Obama's rise really is. I know there are legitimate doubts about him, but I really believe he's ushered in a new kind of politics. Instead of the usual hardball, he plays smartball. And it's working. Just look at the way he's raised record amounts of money online. An overwhelming majority of his donors are not old-money, machine-invested, big-time donors. They're small $25 donors culled from ordinary Americans who want to be a part of the political process and his success.

But like I said, there are legitimate concerns about him. Let's see if I can address a few that were brought to my attention:

1. Rev. Wright and 20 years of association. Why did he only recently disavow him?

When Obama first began his association with Rev. Wright, he was a man in search of identity. He was trying to connect with a community that he was a part of by virtue of having a black father, but that he wasn't a part of through experience. Associating with Rev. Wright and the church and being a community organizer in that area helped him gain that experience, identity and maybe even sense of belonging. Perhaps Obama knew Wright was incendiary. But his incendiary tendencies, though they cannot be excused or affirmed, must be understood in context. I don't need to give a recap of American history for anyone to have an idea of where the anger that fuels Wright's most controversial statements comes from. I think, in the end, that Obama decided the good Wright had done concerning his family and bettering his community outweighed the bad surrounding his extreme stances. If Obama had've categorically disavowed him and cut off all ties upon entering the political arena, that would have been purely politically motivated. He still cared about the man even though he repudiated his statements. I could say the same thing for many people I care about. I guess that's why, though unfortunate, the Wright fiasco isn't a reason for me to discount Obama. In addition, I think Obama did an awesome job explaining his ties with Wright during his speech on race in March in Philadelphia.

2. His wife, Michelle. What was her Princeton thesis all about?

Granted, I haven't read the entire document, but she basically stated that as an African-American at a predominantly white institution, she was made to feel like an outsider and not really allowed complete social access in that environment because of her race. I know that idea may make some people bristle, but, um, it's not something she made up. I, too am an African-American woman who attended a predominantly white institution. Heck, had I tried to go a few decades earlier, George Wallace would've (tried to have) stopped me. Sometimes experience is the best explanation. Ever been the only black person in an honors class and were made to be the spokesperson for your entire race? Ever sat staring at a t-shirt featuring Nathan Bedford Forrest (founder of the KKK) worn by someone at a meeting for a social organization? Ever had to hear a tirade from a parent "concerned for her daughter's safety" because of a potential black roomate (I was the Resident Assistant, not the potential roomate.)? Those are just a few examples.

My experience at UA was grand. I wouldn't change it for the world. They were great, memorable times. The Man didn't grab hold of me and pin me down, preventing my progress in society. But I know what Michelle Obama was talking about.

3. Obama seems to have trouble delineating policy beyond "hopefulness." Is that a concern?

I would like to hear more policy-specific ideas from my boy as well. But maybe he's being smart by not offering concrete plans that he may not be able to deliver on if elected. People forget that there's a process to enacting policy. You can propose to do everything under the sun, but the question is, will Congress pass it? Maybe he does need to speak to policy more in his stump speeches. But his website gives a treasure trove of policy specifics in his Blueprint for Change.

I think Obama has shown himself to be an imperfect candidate in a lot of ways. I think he knows he could have done things better concerning the issues that raise legitimate doubts about him. But he's resilient and I think he's learned from them. That's what we need in a president. Someone who can learn from mistakes instead of one who blusteringly forges on in mistakes.

Edwards to Endorse Obama!

Omg! This is big! I still have some questions that I plan to answer about my boy, but really quickly, I had to post about this . . . this is AWESOME.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/05/14/obama-to-make-major-announcement/

See for yourself.

Turtle

This is the 2nd Sunday in a row that I've cried on the way to church.

A day or so ago, I saw a turtle crawling in the road. My apartment complex has a few man-made "lakes" around it, and it's near a park with bigger lakes where turtles abound. I guess one made its way over. It was a huge, slow turtle. I was astonished to see it, and very easily swerved around it as I passed it on my way out of the complex.

This morning, on my way to church, I saw the turtle smashed in the road. I became so angry that I cried. Not because I'm a covert member of PETA, but because that was pure carelessness. I could understand a dead squirrel. Those things move fast and often dart out into the street. It's easy to hit a squirrel. But a huge, slow moving turtle? That was just callous disregard. Probably someone on their cell phone or whatever, enveloped in their world, who couldn't care less about some slow-moving reptile. What's a dead turtle to them?

My Poor Little Baby

My poor blog baby has felt the sting of neglect. "Update me! Update me!" it's been crying out. But I haven't heeded its cries for help. Until now.

1. I'm still going to answer some Barack Obama questions. I haven't forgotten.

2. I did graduation stuff with some friends this weekend, and now I'm dog tired. Hopefully it'll be me getting my Master's next year.

3. I have been silent on any relational dealings because this blog has proven itself to be the stinking window to my soul, and I can't afford to put myself out there in a significant way concerning these matters anymore. But I realize that by even saying this, I have already shown my hand, in a manner of speaking. Transparency is not all it's cracked up to be. Sort of. All I can say is that I am getting to know this guy. That will be the only update that will ever be given unless something radically and irrevocably changes concerning, simply, getting to know this guy.

4. I almost forgot that tomorrow is Mother's Day! Wow. I need more sleep. And writing this post is not helping me achieve that . . .

I almost . . .

lost my patience with the kids today! I don't know what is going on. I feel awful because I've never felt that way before. It seemed like no matter what bothersome things they did, I always had reserves of patience. But today they almost ran dry.

I'm not high strung. I never yell. I never expect them to sit like little perfect robots and follow my every instruction. They're kids. I fully expect them to act like kids. I've always been able to handle it and even have fun with their kiddiness. But I don't know what's going on. Today, I wished I had a magic mute button. I think I'm just tired, and I think spring fever is in full force.

And in a little while, this parent at the middle school wants to have a conference with ALL of his kid's teachers. (Sigh.) We're going to be all crammed in the principal's office . . . yeah, totally not looking forward to it. Oh, well.

The Empire Strikes Barack

This is SO funny.

Go, Michelle!

I was a little disheartened about what's been going on lately with my boy Barack's campaign. I don't need to go into it . . . Rev. Wright's self-aggrandizing tour hasn't been helpful. We'll just put it that way.

But future first lady Michelle Obama . . . awww, shucks! Stand by yo' man, gul. Stand by yo' man! She can definitely hold her own. Thank you, Michelle, for putting it in the media's face that it's time to move on. Repeatedly rehashing Rev. Wright ain't gonna lower gas prices, help the economy, give job security, ensure that people have decent health care or allow kids to get a decent education. Observe these recent interviews and news clips. Oh, I can SO see her as first lady.

Here's one with Michelle and Caroline Kennedy:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/04/30/michelle.obama.interview/index.html?eref=rss_topstories#cnnSTCVideo

Here's another with Michelle and Barack with additional commentary by Eugene Robinson:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=GBRZQT7DIFw