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| Me and my little tyrant |
I miss my unrestricted time. Literally everything revolves around my son. How much sleep I get a night, how long I can be away from home, when I can eat, take a shower and go to the bathroom. He's the boss. An adorable little tyrant.
I miss being skinny. I'm not saying I'm obese and I'm not fat shaming, I'm just saying I miss my pre-pregnancy body. When I look at my wedding photos I want to cry. Look at how freaking skinny I used to be. Back in the day, back when I was even skinnier than I was in my wedding photos, I remember returning to work after Thanksgiving break at my first real job, an elite private school where my co-workers were mainly middle-aged women. I remember one of them exclaiming to me,"What did you eat for Thanksgiving? Cottage cheese?" and being so annoyed. Now, a mommy pouch and a radically redefined hip-to-waist ratio later, I long for the irritating days when people would feel it necessary to remark on my thinness. I know if I really wanted to "bounce back" (a term I wish I could burn at the stake), I could. I'd just need to really work at it. It is within the realm of possibility. I'm just saying I miss the days where I would eat a couple of those Toll House ice cream cookies for dinner and wash it down with a bottle of vanilla coke and not gain an ounce. SO BAD, but so good. I guess that has less to do with having a baby per se and more to do with being in my mid-thirties and in possession of a slowing metabolism. Alas.
I miss getting hit on. Well, let me qualify that and state that I don't miss being harassed by boneheaded, stupidmouthed jerkfaces, I'm saying part of me misses harmless, fun flirting. Now, I must also qualify again and say that technically, my flirting days were over till death do us part on May 16, 2015, so this is another case that isn't wholly due to having a baby. But there's something about having a baby that 100% shuts it down. Like, we know that getting married puts you on lock, right? If you have a ring on your finger, and more often than not, a husband beside you, the probability of any one flirting with you has already been drastically reduced. But add a baby in the picture and that probability drops to less than zero. You're not just off the market, the market itself has ceased to exist. I think my husband is hot (obviously) and I'm head-over-heels for my little one, but I'm just being honest and saying that sometimes I miss those days of getting (occasional, welcome) attention from handsome guys with nice smiles.
I miss spontaneity. I remember one day there was an indie film playing at this art house theater in a bigger city about 45 minutes away and my husband and I just up and went. Like, we had decided to do it on a whim. No more of this spur of the moment stuff. Now, everything has to be planned out, and if we want to do date night or anything without little boy, we have to arrange everything at least a week in advance.
I miss reading for pleasure. The last novel I read was finished while I was pregnant. Once little boy entered the world...fuggedaboutit. I mean, during the day, I'm balancing handling him and crossing off things on my to-do list while he's sleeping (like, this blog entry, which is quickly coming to an end because he just woke up). I sometimes try to sneak in some pleasure reading once I've put him down for the night, but by that time I'm so tired, I rarely crack the book open.
