Naïve

While baking a batch of caramel-filled chocolate chip cookies this evening, I wondered: If you are aware of your naïveté, are you truly naïve?

Gotta hold it together, son.

I'm a procrastinator.

Nothing new here, move along folks, nothing more to see.

Though the procrastinator in me usually reigns and the overachieving nerd kicks in at the last minute, there are times, precious few times, when the overachieving nerd gets going from the get go.

I like those times.

I've got more to do, so I'm getting more done. I have less time to get things done, so I'm forced to use my time more efficiently.

I feel productive.

In addition to my day job, I'm also going to start teaching a Beginning Spanish class for teachers and administrators in my school system in the evenings. (Not necessarily in order of importance: experience, exposure, and cha-ching!)

Gotta hold it together, son.

Cures

Cure for the Saturday morning blues: Listening to Chopin nocturnes while driving through the still morning while watching the color-changing leaves begin to drift to the ground.

Cure for the cold soggy soul: A friend embrace, a sister to see in the flesh, commiserating smiles over hot and iced lattes and warm pastries.

Cure for the procrastinatory bog: A place apart, background music, a free drink (for filling out a survey), space to spread out and drown in the monotony of grading, grading.

Rest for the weary, solace for the lonely, a spot to observe the curious phenomenon of rainfall in the sun.

Salsa

So, I've decided that I have to focus on having fun with my off the chain students. And even though many of them are enormous enough to pound me into the ground, at the end of the day, they're children. Plus today's Friday. It was destined to be a fun day. (Even though I must be 100% and say today started out completely live. There was a food fight during breakfast in the packed-to-capacity cafeteria before school even started today.)

We played a game I've coined "Tic-tac-toe en Español" which is a tic-tac-toe-like review game. In each tic-tac-toe square is a category. The teams take turns choosing categories and if they get the question right, they get to put an X or O in that spot. First team to get three in a row wins.

The last few minutes of class, I blasted some Celia Cruz and taught them how to salsa. Some classes were more into it than others, but the class who was the most into it was the class which is usually the wildest.

I had some kids comment on how fun today's class was and I even had a student tell me I was their favorite teacher, which of course made my teacher heart swell with warm fuzzy pride. These are the things I need to remember during the down days.

What Is "This"?

The weeks slip by slowly. On the dawn lit drive to work, there was one phrase reverberating in me: "This cannot continue."

There are no specifics. I guess that's what's maddening about my state. "This" doesn't refer to any particular thing, even though the word by its very definition indicates specificity. It's just this place, this place that I'm in career-wise, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Something has to be decided upon. This limbo-ness, that's what I'm talking about. This is what cannot continue.

Career: It really is going to be fine. I can't get away from teaching. It's what I do. But yet, what am I going to do? This now isn't going to be this forever. So what is going to be this forever?

Location: It's family. The closest place to home that will ever exist. But it's just kind of a launch pad. A base that I'll return to now and again. Here now can't be here forever.

Emotional: I'm me. No matter how much I'd wish bits of me away, it's ingrained. My sensitivity. My tears. My overanalysis. My wishful thinking. I realize that these are little me-blocks. But why do I feel so badly about their presence?

Spiritual: Wandering in the wilderness. Conflicted. I love my toddlers. Last Sunday, they were completely consumed with scooping dry macaroni out of containers and pouring it into other ones. They're delighted by simple things. But can I stay in my Sunday School Teacher cocoon forever and think that will make the balloon float?

This thing that I'm in, this insecure existence, it simply cannot continue. Not for too much longer.

This is a major grade.

Name: ___________________ Date: _______ Period: __

Answer the following questions in complete sentences.

1. What are the policies and procedures involved in "giving it over to God"?

2. What does it mean not to live in the past when we are indubitably formed and molded by our past experiences?

3. In Chapter 1, the issue of Things was discussed. How do you stay on top of them?

4. In the case study of C.S., there were details of ponderous, tearful Saturday mornings. What was it that reassured the subject and why?

Essay Prompt

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger" is probably one of Nietzche's most memorable quotations. Argue for or against this assertion using evidence from your own life. Cite where appropriate.

Bonus

Applying inductive reasoning, what are the odds (in ratio form) of a 28-year-old, wanderlust-laden, indecisive, insecure, impatient, stubborn, sensitive, overly-analytical black female chilling out?

White fudge covered pretzels

are what I'm eating right now while listening to Brazilian pop. While writing in French to Swedish friends. While plunged into the molasses of life in the former capital of the Confederacy. While realizing that I love my students somehow. While wondering what's next.