That Girl

I was going to write a more detailed post, but I'm afraid of being that girl.

You know who that girl is.

She's giggly and she talks all day long about some guy she's with and she posts stuff about him on Facebook and she's all wrapped up in him and how he's the best and the sweetest and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I'm not that girl.  I am SO not that girl.

But seriously though, yesterday you don't know how badly I wanted some Chick-fil-a.  I woke up with a chicken biscuit on the brain.  But I didn't want to drive out and get it, then come back to my apartment, then catch the bus to campus (since I can't park on campus) . . . that would be a waste of time.  I was just going to catch the bus, go to campus and maybe get something to eat close to where I needed to get to work.  I was about to leave out, but then I get a text saying, I kid you not, "Hey, I'm on my way to Chick-fil-a for breakfast.  Would you like anything?"

You are kidding me.  I texted back, "GASP!  That is exactly what I wanted!"

I know it's ridiculous, but is it okay if I believe it was the Lord giving me the desire of my chicken-biscuit-loving heart?  And is it okay if I draw any parallels with the person who, unbeknownst to him, asked me if I wanted exactly what I wanted?

Several months ago, when we were mere guitar playing buddies, we were about to practice and I asked what he wanted to play first.   He responded, "Whatever your heart desires."  

John 3:7

Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

I really need to get ready for my office hour (to which I'm perpetually late), but I'm still feeling overwhelmed from yesterday.

God has done something that only God can do.  I am amazed.  I am humbled.  It's too good to be true.  But it's still true.

Part of me doesn't want to write about this in such a public space because it is about a personal spiritual experience that is not mine.

But suffice it to say this: God brought someone into my life.  And I was 100% not in control of the timing of anything.  And it scared me to death.  I hate not being in control.  It makes me nervous and it drives me crazy and it makes me want to do stupid things in vain in order to try to regain control that I never had in the first place and I just can't stand it.  But yesterday God said the same thing that He has always said to me, and that is, I got this.

Suffice it to say that yesterday, someone who has become very close to me was completely born again when he made the decision to be water baptized after he had already experienced Spirit baptism.

This is just the beginning of the journey for him.  I am still on a journey myself.  There are no guarantees.  None other than that God is in control.

God has built my faith and reassured me that it's going to be okay.  He's reminded me that I have no choice but to keep trusting Him and letting my light shine.

Post-Valentine's Day Post

So, as usual, I'm supposed to be doing something productive but blogging instead.

I'm 31, but yesterday was the first time I've been in a relationship on Valentine's Day.

That is not to say that family members haven't done nice things for me on that day.  (Last year, middle bro had balloons, a stuffed animal and a dozen chocolate covered strawberries delivered to me.  Middle bro got major points that day.)  That is not to say that admirers haven't done nice things for me on that day.  (I was extremely flattered and grateful, but the feeling wasn't mutual.)  I am extremely thankful for friends and family who have shown me love on a day where love is celebrated.  And I guess I'm glad to say that I've always been a Valentine's Day person even though I never had a Valentine on that day.  I always got dressed up in red, brought cupcakes, gave out chocolates and made little deliveries to make other people feel special, because I like stuff like that.  Call me a hopeless romantic.

But this year was very sweet and special. There were roses and chocolates and cards involved.  But that wasn't why it was sweet and special.  It was because I realized that even though "I'm 31 and this is the first time I've been in a relationship on Valentine's Day" it doesn't matter.  Because why would I have wanted to have a variety of people that I could number off throughout the years as having been in a relationship with?  Ideally, there should be only one person.  Frankly, I only need one Valentine.  And if not having one all of the other years simply means that I had to wait for the one that is the One, then what is there to regret?

I didn't post pictures on Facebook gushing over anything.  I have this sense of wanting to preserve and protect the relationship, not flaunt it.  People who know me and love me already know.  People who don't know me/have a close relationship with me don't need to know.

I still don't know how everything is going to turn out.  I am definitely not saying this one is the One.  I don't even truly believe in the whole idea of the One, as I've iterated many times.  There are still plenty of possible complications, and I can't forget about that.  But I trust God.  That's all I can say.  And if there truly is a good thing in all of this, He won't withhold it from me.

A Day in Numbered Points

1. Got to my office hour a few minutes late.  But it was okay since I usually stay longer than an hour and no one ever comes anyway, and plus I saw a sweet Brazilian friend on the bus and got to practice my Portuguese a little.  Eu preciso practicar.

2. Got to my office and found that someone (not in our office) had sent a sizable print job to our printer multiple times, blowing up the printer cache and expending exorbitant amounts of toner and paper.  The catch?  One does not just cancel a print job.  Only the person who creates it can cancel it. I just wanna print out my lesson plan, by golly!  Had to send a helpdesk request to our resident smart aleck tech.

3. On my way to print stuff out at another printer I ran into the one I'm never prepared to see.  No way of escape.  Small talk, slightly awkward insertions (and I care about what you and your girlfriend are doing over Spring Break because...) and implications of my being able to "catch up" with him over a cup of coffee because comps are over now.  Nawl, son.  You shall receive no examples of my work, and you shall enjoy no one-on-one coffee chats with me.

4. Day improves, I start getting my little organizational ducks in a row.  Give two make up quizzes.  Post a couple of helpful items on eLC from my flash drive.  I removed it, put in in my purse, then remembered something.  I pulled it back out and reinserted it.  Oh, let me...wait.  Why isn't my office computer recognizing my flash drive?  I just used it a second ago.  That's odd.  I tried my laptop.  My laptop wouldn't recognize it either. I brought it to (another) tech guy to take a look at it.  To no avail. In an instant, my flash drive decided it was a wrap.  Oh, nooooooooo!  I'm up a creek.  Thankfully, I shared files with mi amigo since he's teaching the same class this semester and he was able to dropbox some stuff back to me.  But ugh.  Lesson of all lessons: Back yo' stuff up.

5. So I head over to the rec center for an elliptical workout with mi amigo.  And would you believe I had another one-I'm-never-prepared-to-see sighting?  Argh!  I just pretended I didn't see him.  Mi amigo was none the wiser.  How dare you be at the gym while I'm there?  I cannot have you encroaching upon my lifespace.  I cannot have it.

6.  Got an email that the University is shut down tomorrow.  And if it's shut down tomorrow, it'll definitely be shut down Wednesday.  Thin layers of snow and ice shut things down in these parts.  I'm sure my students are singing Hallelujah to the Lamb.

Three Down, None to Go

Well, hello.

I feel like I can breathe again.  I turned in my take home yesterday morning, officially ending the written part of comps.  This is the song I dedicate to comps:



Since comps has been gooooone...I can breathe for the first tiiiime!

There's still lots of work to do...a month from now, there's an oral defense.  And then I have to submit my prospectus.  And then I have to defend it...like I said, there's still lots of work to do.  But I feel like a weight has been lifted.  I've met a major milestone, and it's kind of amazing.

I'm so thankful.  All of this time, just fretting about comps, wondering how I was going to ever get through it, and now, here I am.  (Just about) on the other side.

Upcoming:

1. A bilingual reading with an Argentine writer.  Guess who's reading the English version?

2. A Valentine's Day in a situation of mutual like.  For the first time.  And I'm wearing my frilly red dress.  Guess what his favorite color is?

3. A post-Valentine's Day departmental talent show.  Guess who's playing the guitar?

This is the first weekend in a long time that I'm spending without doing one drop of work.  Sigh.  Enjoying it while I can!