1. My adorabo flower girl dresses.
2. Eating cupcakes with my guy (wedding cake samples).
3. Getting a much awaited email stating that my article will soon be published in an edited volume! (Published articles are the stars in an academician's crown. Especially one who wants a job on down the road.)
4. Getting honeymoon arrangements all set. Eeeeeeeeee!
5. Finally getting pre-marital counseling underway.
6. Using this recipe to make beef and broccoli stir fry that is ridiculous. I mean, crazy good. I think it's the ginger that does it.
7. Lemon turmeric tea.
8. Looking into my guy's eyes (greenish brown, long-lashed) and feeling awash in pure adoration of him. The other day he told me that he was amazed by me. It was the simplest, purest declaration of affection anyone has ever expressed to me. And the moment he told me this was under the most mundane of circumstances. It wasn't in some romantic Hollywood moment while we were under a starlit sky. It was while he was clearing the table. This is what I'm thankful for, and what I never realized I needed until him: Someone who effortlessly reminds me of the magic in the ordinary.
Cliches are cliches because there's something universal about them. Trite as they are, at heart, they contain something recognizable, something nominally true. And the cliched advice that I used to bristle against with every fiber of my allegedly self-possessed being was "Don't settle for less." Ugh. To me, it was framed in this desire for (usually well-meaning) people to not see my long-single self make any choices regarding my future mate outside of their ideal. You have no fraction of an idea of what being me even means, I would think. What is ideal for you for me may very well not be what is ideal for me for me. Furthermore, what is ideal for you for me does not necessarily equal what is ideal for God for me. And lastly, if whatever path I take is not your ideal for me, it most certainly does not equal "settling for less." That's what I would think. And truth be told, at the end of the day, it's what I still think.
But here's the kicker: I would now give the same advice to someone else like me. Don't settle for less. Don't accept less because you're afraid that if you reject less, more will never come your way. It's a lie. And one that I believed at one time. And while I believed it, it actually took me that much further from being in a position where I was ready to receive more.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Cakes and Ring Bearer Epiphany
We on this wedding train and we gonna ride it out. It's just a full-on wedding fest up in here.
So, we got our designs and prices all decided upon for our cakes. I'm going to have a sunflower cake. (Surprise, surprise), and the groom's cake is going to be a drum cake. He's so excited about it. Yes, I'm marrying the adult version of the impossible middle school crush of my dreams. A former skater dude (hacky sack, et al.) who played drums and guitar in a bunch of punky bands growing up. He says he plays the drums better than he does the guitar, but I still haven't heard him play. I told him that I can't marry him until I've heard him play the drums. How can I say I know him if I've never heard him play the instrument that's even nearer and dearer to him than the guitar?
Here's what I'm excited about, though. My sunflower cake is going to be on a tree stump. Yup. I can't tell you how excited I am about this tree stump, y'all. It's going to be something similar to this. (But better.) Don't hate. Appreciate. It's going to be all rustic and sunflowery. The excitement is starting to creep into my bones.
And not cake related, but I've been trying to envision what I want my flower girls and ring bearer to look like. And I just had an epiphany. I totally want a little suspendered, bowtied, pageboy hat-wearing little nephew-to-be bearing those rings! Something like this, but grey/iris. And he is devastatingly cute. Gives me lots of hope for the attractiveness of my future offspring.
I'm so glad that there are so many church people who are professionals (bakers, florists, photographers, wedding planners, etc.) who are willing to help us and give us deals. It's really made things easier (and much less expensive than it could be) for us.
So, we got our designs and prices all decided upon for our cakes. I'm going to have a sunflower cake. (Surprise, surprise), and the groom's cake is going to be a drum cake. He's so excited about it. Yes, I'm marrying the adult version of the impossible middle school crush of my dreams. A former skater dude (hacky sack, et al.) who played drums and guitar in a bunch of punky bands growing up. He says he plays the drums better than he does the guitar, but I still haven't heard him play. I told him that I can't marry him until I've heard him play the drums. How can I say I know him if I've never heard him play the instrument that's even nearer and dearer to him than the guitar?
Here's what I'm excited about, though. My sunflower cake is going to be on a tree stump. Yup. I can't tell you how excited I am about this tree stump, y'all. It's going to be something similar to this. (But better.) Don't hate. Appreciate. It's going to be all rustic and sunflowery. The excitement is starting to creep into my bones.
And not cake related, but I've been trying to envision what I want my flower girls and ring bearer to look like. And I just had an epiphany. I totally want a little suspendered, bowtied, pageboy hat-wearing little nephew-to-be bearing those rings! Something like this, but grey/iris. And he is devastatingly cute. Gives me lots of hope for the attractiveness of my future offspring.
I'm so glad that there are so many church people who are professionals (bakers, florists, photographers, wedding planners, etc.) who are willing to help us and give us deals. It's really made things easier (and much less expensive than it could be) for us.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Wedding Bands
Yep. It's all wedding, all day, all the time around this neck of the blog woods.
So we went to pick out wedding bands today. The same place he went to get my engagement ring.
He told me that when he first went to look for engagement rings, he intended just to start looking around. He didn't really have an idea in mind. But at the first store he went to, he saw a ring that he just felt was the one, so he walked out that day with a ring in hand. We figured we'd have a similar experience going to get wedding bands.
We're not flashy people. Nah, we both just wanted something simple. I saw one I liked, he saw one he liked, we both liked what each other liked, they both fit out budget, and voilà. Wedding bands, check.
Picking them out was pretty easy. We're not picky people. But then it was like, omg, the rings we're picking out right now are rings we're going to wear for the rest of our lives. Like, I'm going to have this same ring on my finger when I'm like 50. (Which, scarily, is not as far off as it used to be.) It was kind of a sobering moment.
The saleslady was expecting and she said that she just had to get her rings enlarged because her fingers had swollen during the pregnancy. I said aloud, half to myself, "Oh, wow...that's true. I didn't even think about that." My fiancé looked at me and said, "We still have a little bit of time before we need to worry about that."
Calm down, honey. Let's let the ink dry on the marriage certificate, let's get that dissertation written and let's get that job before we start fretting about pregnancy-swollen fingers. Yes, ma'am.
So we went to pick out wedding bands today. The same place he went to get my engagement ring.
He told me that when he first went to look for engagement rings, he intended just to start looking around. He didn't really have an idea in mind. But at the first store he went to, he saw a ring that he just felt was the one, so he walked out that day with a ring in hand. We figured we'd have a similar experience going to get wedding bands.
We're not flashy people. Nah, we both just wanted something simple. I saw one I liked, he saw one he liked, we both liked what each other liked, they both fit out budget, and voilà. Wedding bands, check.
Picking them out was pretty easy. We're not picky people. But then it was like, omg, the rings we're picking out right now are rings we're going to wear for the rest of our lives. Like, I'm going to have this same ring on my finger when I'm like 50. (Which, scarily, is not as far off as it used to be.) It was kind of a sobering moment.
The saleslady was expecting and she said that she just had to get her rings enlarged because her fingers had swollen during the pregnancy. I said aloud, half to myself, "Oh, wow...that's true. I didn't even think about that." My fiancé looked at me and said, "We still have a little bit of time before we need to worry about that."
Calm down, honey. Let's let the ink dry on the marriage certificate, let's get that dissertation written and let's get that job before we start fretting about pregnancy-swollen fingers. Yes, ma'am.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Weddington McMarriage
I am on a non-stop, high-speed train to Weddington McMarriage.
This thing is going down. We ordered our invitations this weekend, and when we hit "submit order" to purchase 150 invitations/envelopes/address labels, I had a "no turning back" moment. You ain't playin' no games. Dis yo' man fo' real.
Right? Like, there was a date and a time on there.
Breathe. Not like I'm thinking of "turning back" or that I've ever thought of it since he slipped that ring on my finger. Nawl. All I'm saying is like, it's really happening. I mean, when we first got engaged, I was all like, we have time to decide this and that and we'll think about it later, and now that January is all like, "I'm heeeeeree!" it's been like, BAM! Wedding red alert. Wedding date has been like, "Ey! You know I'm comin' up, right? You hear me, girl?" I mean, seriously, when we got engaged in June, we had literally a year to get it together. Now we have four months. Like, whaaaattt??
Why is it still so difficult for me to conceive of myself as married? This is something I've wanted for the longest, and now that it's no joke, T-minus four months till marriage launch, my brain is still like, "Yeah, so, I'm getting married soon, and....WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???"
Snickery McSarcasm: It means you're going to be sharing a minuscule apartment and a single bathroom with a dude.
Idealista McSwooney: It means you're going to wake up next to the love of your life every morning.
Obsessy McHyper: It means you're going to have arguments and money problems and have to balance career and school and family and church and you're going to have to get used to a bunch of stuff you're not used to because you've lived on your own for so long and omigawd how is it all going to come together?
Realizzy McStraightup: It means you're going to be married. Please, like you're the first person in the world to ever tie the knot. People have always done it, people are doing it now, and they will continue to do so till kingdom come. Welcome to life.
Can I be a meanie and rant about things that annoy me?
Meanie Me: Is it mean that when people ask me "How's the wedding planning going?" it slightly bothers me? I know that it is a benign question just meant to make small talk and convey interest and perhaps even well-wishes, so I just smile and give a perky, vague update. But the little wave of irritation that flows through me when people ask that is akin to the slight wave of irritation that would flow through me when after spending several months abroad people would ask, "So, how was France?" Like, ugh. Like, in both cases, whatever I tell you is just a surface answer because that's all you really want to hear. Akin to how I feel when people ask, "So, what do you plan to do with a PhD?" Like, why do you care? You don't even have a concept of what getting a PhD even means, so when I say, "Be a professor," you still don't get it. Ugh, I'm so mean! And please don't say anything about being/not being a Bridezilla. It's so trite and played out and unclever and takes no imagination whatsoever to come up with. "Are you feeling like a Bridezilla yet?" Oh, har, har, har. Gosh, I'm such a meanie.
Anyway. Here's something that I kinda want. It's not a Bridezilla want, since we're on the topic. I want a horse and carriage exit. It can so be done, and if it's a little pricier than what we have room for in our budget, I think I have a little ace in the hole to make it happen. I mean, with my whole medieval/Renaissance dress thing going on, it being kind of a rustic, outdoor deal, and besides, it's unique and sweet and fairy tale-like. Sigh. We'll see.
This thing is going down. We ordered our invitations this weekend, and when we hit "submit order" to purchase 150 invitations/envelopes/address labels, I had a "no turning back" moment. You ain't playin' no games. Dis yo' man fo' real.
Right? Like, there was a date and a time on there.
Breathe. Not like I'm thinking of "turning back" or that I've ever thought of it since he slipped that ring on my finger. Nawl. All I'm saying is like, it's really happening. I mean, when we first got engaged, I was all like, we have time to decide this and that and we'll think about it later, and now that January is all like, "I'm heeeeeree!" it's been like, BAM! Wedding red alert. Wedding date has been like, "Ey! You know I'm comin' up, right? You hear me, girl?" I mean, seriously, when we got engaged in June, we had literally a year to get it together. Now we have four months. Like, whaaaattt??
Why is it still so difficult for me to conceive of myself as married? This is something I've wanted for the longest, and now that it's no joke, T-minus four months till marriage launch, my brain is still like, "Yeah, so, I'm getting married soon, and....WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???"
Snickery McSarcasm: It means you're going to be sharing a minuscule apartment and a single bathroom with a dude.
Idealista McSwooney: It means you're going to wake up next to the love of your life every morning.
Obsessy McHyper: It means you're going to have arguments and money problems and have to balance career and school and family and church and you're going to have to get used to a bunch of stuff you're not used to because you've lived on your own for so long and omigawd how is it all going to come together?
Realizzy McStraightup: It means you're going to be married. Please, like you're the first person in the world to ever tie the knot. People have always done it, people are doing it now, and they will continue to do so till kingdom come. Welcome to life.
Can I be a meanie and rant about things that annoy me?
Meanie Me: Is it mean that when people ask me "How's the wedding planning going?" it slightly bothers me? I know that it is a benign question just meant to make small talk and convey interest and perhaps even well-wishes, so I just smile and give a perky, vague update. But the little wave of irritation that flows through me when people ask that is akin to the slight wave of irritation that would flow through me when after spending several months abroad people would ask, "So, how was France?" Like, ugh. Like, in both cases, whatever I tell you is just a surface answer because that's all you really want to hear. Akin to how I feel when people ask, "So, what do you plan to do with a PhD?" Like, why do you care? You don't even have a concept of what getting a PhD even means, so when I say, "Be a professor," you still don't get it. Ugh, I'm so mean! And please don't say anything about being/not being a Bridezilla. It's so trite and played out and unclever and takes no imagination whatsoever to come up with. "Are you feeling like a Bridezilla yet?" Oh, har, har, har. Gosh, I'm such a meanie.
Anyway. Here's something that I kinda want. It's not a Bridezilla want, since we're on the topic. I want a horse and carriage exit. It can so be done, and if it's a little pricier than what we have room for in our budget, I think I have a little ace in the hole to make it happen. I mean, with my whole medieval/Renaissance dress thing going on, it being kind of a rustic, outdoor deal, and besides, it's unique and sweet and fairy tale-like. Sigh. We'll see.
Monday, January 05, 2015
New Year's Post or Better Late Than Never
Well, hello.
It's been a while, I know. But so many things have/have been/are happened/happening, that it's just been a task to find the time and presence of mind to sit down and write.
If I don't do it now, at the dawn of the new semester, who knows when I will?
At least I'm teaching two sections of a course that I taught last semester, so no freak-outs to be had. The only bummer is that I'm teaching on the opposite side of campus from my office and I'm teaching in some funky buildings I've never heard of before. Forestry? Who teaches Spanish in the School of Forestry building?
So. I'm starting out this new year as an engaged woman. And in four months, I'll be a married woman. That is off the chain. Now that 2015 is here, our wedding day seems like it's hurtling towards us. If I went to France right now for as long as I did in 2010, I would be married before I got back. I finally got to try on my wedding dress. There's something about it all that still seems so surreal. There's flower girl dresses to figure out. We have to meet with our day-of coordinator. We need to order our invitations. Who's going to do what during the ceremony? Wedding favors? How is everyone going to find their way driving out in the deep down country roads to arrive at our rustic venue? What are the little details going to look like? I wish there were a wedding genie who could just POOF! and all the details would be magically worked out. It'll be here before you know it.
I just got rid of a boatload of hoarder/sentimental junk junkie stuff and bagged up a bunch of clothes that I haven't worn in eons. There's still so much more to do, to get rid of, to rearrange. There's a grown man who's moving into my little one bedroom apartment with me in a matter of months and I've got to make space for him. (We're trying to save money, I say!) What is living with a grown man going to look like? The last time I had a roommate, I was a sophomore in college. While I'm thrilled about being able to be together 24/7, I'm also a little afraid of the unknown.
By the time we get married, we will have been engaged for longer than we dated.
When we got back to Georgia after the winter break, we found a few gifts that our friends and family ordered for us from Bed, Bath and Beyond waiting for us. It was so exciting to see things from the registry! (Especially the Fiesta dinnerware.)
This year I will make more progress on my dissertation than I have up to this point. I absolutely must. This year, I will work consistently on my dissertation.
This year, I will have my little veggie garden again.
This year, I will finally learn to knit.
This year, my theme is to wait upon the Lord. For so long, I've associated "waiting on the Lord" with finding a husband. Can I just be for real? I would venture to say that many long-single church girls out there have and probably do associate the idea of "waiting on the Lord" and "God's timing" with finding a husband. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that or making fun of it or anything now that I finally have a man. (Insert sarcasm here.) All I'm saying is that I feel like I'm in the position to wait on Him even more now because I have more balls in the air. How is this academic career thing going to work out for me and for him? What about our future, unconceived (albeit conceived of) children? How are they going to fit into the mix? Let's keep it a hundred: Ya girl is not a spring chicken anymore, and if any babies are going to happen, they need to at least start happening within the next two years after I'm married. This is where "waiting" comes in again. This is where "God's timing" needs to be acknowledged again.
2015 will be a year of new beginnings. 2015 will be a year of adjusting, trusting, learning, growing and patience.
It's been a while, I know. But so many things have/have been/are happened/happening, that it's just been a task to find the time and presence of mind to sit down and write.
If I don't do it now, at the dawn of the new semester, who knows when I will?
At least I'm teaching two sections of a course that I taught last semester, so no freak-outs to be had. The only bummer is that I'm teaching on the opposite side of campus from my office and I'm teaching in some funky buildings I've never heard of before. Forestry? Who teaches Spanish in the School of Forestry building?
So. I'm starting out this new year as an engaged woman. And in four months, I'll be a married woman. That is off the chain. Now that 2015 is here, our wedding day seems like it's hurtling towards us. If I went to France right now for as long as I did in 2010, I would be married before I got back. I finally got to try on my wedding dress. There's something about it all that still seems so surreal. There's flower girl dresses to figure out. We have to meet with our day-of coordinator. We need to order our invitations. Who's going to do what during the ceremony? Wedding favors? How is everyone going to find their way driving out in the deep down country roads to arrive at our rustic venue? What are the little details going to look like? I wish there were a wedding genie who could just POOF! and all the details would be magically worked out. It'll be here before you know it.
I just got rid of a boatload of hoarder/sentimental junk junkie stuff and bagged up a bunch of clothes that I haven't worn in eons. There's still so much more to do, to get rid of, to rearrange. There's a grown man who's moving into my little one bedroom apartment with me in a matter of months and I've got to make space for him. (We're trying to save money, I say!) What is living with a grown man going to look like? The last time I had a roommate, I was a sophomore in college. While I'm thrilled about being able to be together 24/7, I'm also a little afraid of the unknown.
By the time we get married, we will have been engaged for longer than we dated.
When we got back to Georgia after the winter break, we found a few gifts that our friends and family ordered for us from Bed, Bath and Beyond waiting for us. It was so exciting to see things from the registry! (Especially the Fiesta dinnerware.)
This year I will make more progress on my dissertation than I have up to this point. I absolutely must. This year, I will work consistently on my dissertation.
This year, I will have my little veggie garden again.
This year, I will finally learn to knit.
This year, my theme is to wait upon the Lord. For so long, I've associated "waiting on the Lord" with finding a husband. Can I just be for real? I would venture to say that many long-single church girls out there have and probably do associate the idea of "waiting on the Lord" and "God's timing" with finding a husband. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that or making fun of it or anything now that I finally have a man. (Insert sarcasm here.) All I'm saying is that I feel like I'm in the position to wait on Him even more now because I have more balls in the air. How is this academic career thing going to work out for me and for him? What about our future, unconceived (albeit conceived of) children? How are they going to fit into the mix? Let's keep it a hundred: Ya girl is not a spring chicken anymore, and if any babies are going to happen, they need to at least start happening within the next two years after I'm married. This is where "waiting" comes in again. This is where "God's timing" needs to be acknowledged again.
2015 will be a year of new beginnings. 2015 will be a year of adjusting, trusting, learning, growing and patience.
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