There are these voices that have this running commentary going on in my mind. Not for real (lest it be thought that I’m in need of professional help), but . . . well, it’s a funny idea, anyway.
The first one is named Melancholia. She is clad in black. She is a writer and an accomplished lyre-player. She usually sits brooding in the corner of my mind, either writing her latest depressing poem or playing some medieval ballad in a minor key on her lyre, and when she decides to come out, she usually does so at the most inopportune times. She likes Coldplay. Her ultimate wish is to be able to play Rachmaninoff’s Prelude in C sharp minor on the piano in its entirety because she just loves the darkly romantic, brooding melody. What books line her library shelves?
The Complete Anthology of Edgar Allan Poe.
Tess of the D’Ubervilles by Thomas Hardy.
The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway. She has a collection of all of Shakespeare’s major tragedies. She does read her Bible though, surprisingly. What are her favorite books? Lamentations, Job, and Ecclesiates. Her favorite scripture? Ecclesiates 1:2, “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.” Her eyes are perpetually swollen because she does a lot of crying. Sometimes she doesn’t even know why. She just sits there, absently strumming her lyre, tears slipping down her tragically beautiful cheeks.
The second is named Manica. She has this really loud, wide-mouthed laugh that just bursts from her belly. People sometimes make fun of her for it, but she doesn’t really care. And most of the time she laughs at stuff that most people don’t think is all
that funny. And don’t let her get a little sleepy. Then she laughs at
everything. She likes Curious George, the PowerPuff Girls, butterflies, and big, yellow smiley faces. She’s energetic, perpetually upbeat, and likes to bounce around to Christian rock on a pogo stick, pretending she’s Tigger. She always takes her vitamins. She’s sort of impulsive, too. She says things to people on a whim, and sometimes does silly things she may not have done had she thought about it for a second longer. But part of that impulsiveness explains her willingness to try new things, especially food. She’s tried things from snails to squid to sheep brains. She’s also the queen of procrastination: she puts things off till the last minute, then does it all in one sitting in the nick of time in an especially manic burst of energy. She doesn’t have as extensive a library as Melancholia, but at least she reads—the Comics section of the newspaper. And she does get a bit of Bible reading in, too. She’s not a complete heathen—unfortunately, it only consists of leafing through Song of Solomon and snickering to herself.
Next, we have Sarcasma. To say that she’s a smart aleck would be an understatement. She’s always rolling her eyes and coming up with quick quips and comebacks. She’s confident (some of the other voices thinks she’s
too confident) and she knows what she wants and refuses to settle for less. She’s always arguing with the other voices and reminds them in little snide ways that she’s an educated woman. She’s spent five years at an Ivy League, has two-and-a-half majors, 3 minors and is certified in Deep Sea Diving. She also spent a year in the Philippines and speaks near-native-level Tagalog. She relishes a good debate, can really get fired up about politics and has a polite disdain for those who disagree with her. She’s a bit left of center. No “I refuse to believe the liberal media” bumper stickers on
her car. She’s kind of a know-it-all and is unintentionally patronizing when she gives advice. She’s been there and done that. She is a big reader, among her favorite authors Kurt Vonnegut and Margaret Atwood. She reads the Bible too—Proverbs is her favorite.
Last but not least is Obsessa. The other voices call her OCD and Anal-retentive. She worries an awful lot about what people think about her, therefore, she always gives her opinions and explanations with a preamble—a “disclaimer” if you will, and it drives the other voices nuts. “Just spit it out!” they yell. She flosses her teeth at least twice a day (sometimes three times) and feels incomplete if she doesn’t. Sometimes she lies awake at night, rehearsing every conversation she’s had that day and each time she remembers that she said something that she would have liked to have said differently, she turns on her bedside lamp, takes out a pocket calendar and pencil, and writes down a little minus sign next to the date. For lunch, she cuts up pieces of cantaloupe, and uses a ruler to ensure that each piece is a perfect square. When she makes a sandwich, she always cuts it diagonally. She would have it no other way. She always feels that she’s not doing enough on her job, and always feels that she’s forgetting something every time she takes a trip. She seeks constant approval to make sure she’s doing things “right.” Her reading consists of “How To” books because she always feels that she’s in need of improvement and is forever trying to minimize her seemingly overwhelming flaws. She tries to read the Bible through once a year and always obsesses when she fails to meet her goal.
For the most part, my voices get along. Funny how they each have at least a little piece of what makes up the real me.
