The Young and the Restless

Tonight, I tried to duplicate the sticktoitiveness that produced my previously completed 5-page weenie paper. Why is it a weenie paper? Because 5 pages ain't jack. Especially in grad school. Unfortunately, similar results were not observed tonight.

I thought, well, maybe if I go to that same Starbucks, that same I-must-get-my-work-done spirit will infuse me and I'll get to it. Not so. First, I was thrown off by the subtly flirtatious baristas, and then made a wrong move by deciding to sit outside to commence my reading. I should have known better. Being outside is my mind's number 1 prompter to wandering. At least I came up with an official, smartypants sounding title for my looming 10-pager: "Inclusivity vs. Exclusivity: Identity in Contemporary Spain." I highlighted maybe 3 lines of scholarly article before I decided that a change of venue was needed.

Books-a-Million didn't snap me out of it, either. Blast me for stowing away that Newsweek in my tote bag before leaving home! Identity in Spain or Barack vs. Hillary? I chose the latter. I just couldn't seem to get with it. I kept zoning, even on Newsweek.

Then instead of taking notes on my articles and formulating paper points, I started making a list of stuff I like. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. My list:

Spanish
foreign language and culture

travel

reading

politics

race relations

writing (esp. personal, reflective writing)

art (anything involving creativity)

helping other people

I know lots of careers could fit into that. I mean, teaching fits into that. But I don't know if I want to make a long-term career out of it. I don't know if I want to make a career out of academia either. Just the thought of publish or perish makes me want to cry. Becoming a travel writer or a book reviewess would be more logical if I had a background in journalism, which I don't. Become an interpreter for the UN, some have urged. Yeah, after I master like, 5 more languages.

How did I go from being an anal, focused, energetic overachiever to a spacy, restless, undecided limbo-lurker?

I cannot believe this is my 3rd year teaching. It's ridiculous. Dude, I JUST graduated from college. I cannot believe I am 26. I mean, I was just 20 yesterday. And now I'm supposed to be graduating with a Master's in a year? (Sigh.)

BTW, my Peruvian friend scored my position. I knew she would. I still can't get over how completely God that whole process was. I went to a bookstore I didn't normally frequent, just happened to sit by a certain couple, I just happened to be wearing some cute Sketchers, and my friend just happened to have an accent to compliment them in, and she just happened to have a background in Education and just happened to be looking for a teaching job. Bam. If God can do all of that, then I know He can at least give me some direction for the rest of my life.

I'm taking a shower and then snuggling up in my sunflower covers. "Identity in Spain" can wait. Hmph.