Third-Wave Senioritis

It's the end of the school day. There are word searches, boxes of markers, erasers and pencils scattered over each table. I'm exhausted. Thank God it's Friday.

I think I've been infected for the third time with senioritis. Of a different strain, of course.

The first time, I was a senior in high school. I was graduating, I had a full ride lined up for me at a major university, I was excited and ready to embark on a new chapter of life, but apprehensive at the same time. In those last days of high school life, I didn't feel like doing anything. I got lazy. It was almost all over . . .

Fast forward five years. I was a senior in college. I was graduating, I had a teaching job at a prestigious private school lined up for me back home, I was burned out from school and ready to embark on a new chapter of life, but apprehensive at the same time. In those last days of college life, I didn't feel like doing anything. I got lazy. It was almost all over . . .

Fast forward three years. I am a third-year elementary and middle school Spanish teacher. I'm resigining, I have a graduate teaching assistantship lined up for me at my undergraduate alma mater's biggest rival school, I'm excited and ready to go back to school, finish my Master's and embark on a new chapter of life, but apprehensive at the same time. In these last days of teacherly life, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm getting lazy and sluggish. It's getting harder to even get to work on time. My spark has definitely fizzled. My verve has undoubtedly waned. It's almost all over . . .

It's like déjà vu that self-aggrandizes each go round. The only conclusion that I can draw from this third wave of senioritis is that it's never over. Old chapters end and new ones begin. I'll never wake up in the epilogue.

Nothing's really different. It's just the same in a different way. There's no new thing under the sun. There's nothing depressing about that. It's just that I'm finally beginning to wake up from the irrational fantasy that one day I'll have arrived in some bright, transformed tomorrow. I know that sounds negative, but it's not. It's just reality. The postive thing is that I have the will to go on and strive for improvement. That I have the space and desire to change and grow. Even if I am a little lazier than usual between chapters.

I think I'm going to the park to soak up the sun. Maybe I'll even get some reading done.