questions I think I'll ask God (not related to my previous post at all, btw) when I hopefully get to Heaven is this:
"God, why did you make roaches?"
They are the most disgusting, filthy, simply yuck things to ever grace the face of this planet. I mean, what are they good for? I mean, really? I had an incident at school today, and it unnerved me so much, I am taking a break to write about it now.
I opened one of the drawers of my teacher desk to take out a file folder. Big deal. But then I saw a black, shiny, scurrying creature and I nearly freaked. Why, God? Why now? I planned to crush the nasty sucker with a big tub of crayons. But each time I smashed down, rattling the metal drawer of my desk, it scurried to another corner, and another corner, and finally hid under bunches of papers. Great! Then I had to carefully remove all teacher paraphanalia from the drawer in order to crush him good. I prayed, "God, wherever this thing is in the drawer, please, whatever You do, please, do not let it crawl on my hand while I am taking these things out." I finally had a clear spot to really get him. I brought the tub of crayons down a few more times and kind of nicked him. Then, he did that nasty roachy thing that I hate--flipped on its back and started wriggling around. It took all I had to stifle my screams.
But then I had an idea. Expo whiteboard cleaner. "That'll teach you to scurry around in my desk drawers!" I said out loud. "Die, die, die," I repeated with each spray. I went to the girl's bathroom and came back with a gignormous wad of paper towel to dispose of him. By the time I got back, the wriggling had stopped. Another one bites the dust.
Now I can go back to my day.
6 comments:
you are as fearless as Buffy the Vampire killer :0)
Killer? It's slayer. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. :-P
hey i heard you aren't supposed to smash them because they smell each other's corpses and it draws others to come check the dead one out. i don't know that out of research but the suggestion alone makes me never smash them. thought you might benefit from that info.
it's family members are going to avenge it's death, so you better buy a huge can of RAID and carry it around with you everywhere.
Good pest prevention advice. Nix the smashing, and be down with Raid to ward off vengeance from the next of kin. But the thought of them being able to smell each other's corpses makes my stomach acid want to reflux.
At least it didn't fly at you. Thank God for the small blessings. I was always terrified of the cockroaches that dive-bombed me before I even got the chance to smash it or spray it. There's nothing in this life more terrifying than that. I'd rather face a firing squad made up of Frankenstein-looking men than one dive-bombing cock-roach. Seriously.
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