Exams. Summer.

Just because I don't have to take exams anymore doesn't mean I don't still have to grade them.

Sigh.  I'm in the middle one one now.  Latino Literature and Culture.  The sounds of exam taking silence.  The calm before the grading storm.

The next few days are going to be a grading marathon.  I'm giving one exam today, one exam Friday, and then we have to have everything graded so that we can leave early Saturday for a long road trip to visit the boyfriend's family.  I'm excited but also a little nervous.  (What if we get into an argument on the road?  What will his family think of me?  What if I feel awkward?  What if I mess up when we're singing and playing at his brother's church?)

I've got a lot happening, a lot on my plate, a lot of work to do, but a lot to be thankful for:

1. I found out that I won a $1000 departmental award.
2. I was notified that the organizers of a conference at which I presented a paper last month are interested in including it in an edited volume.  This is ridiculously fabulous news in a field where publishing something is just about necessary to get a job; however, I need to edit it and expand it in a serious way.  And that's going to take a lot of work.
3. I'm going to Boston the last two weeks in May to be my professor's research assistant at Harvard and hopefully be able to take advantage of the libraries, etc. to do some of my own research for my dissertation.
4. I'm teaching a Spanish summer course all June and July.
5. I'm teaching a GRE test prep course all July.  (I didn't really want to, but I could definitely use the money.)

In the midst of all of that there are going to be visits with friends and more family meetings...Mom and little bro is one thing, but Dad and middle bro is quite another.  At least in my mind.

Anyway, I'm not complaining.  And I can't worry.  God has helped me keep it together thus far.  I have to trust that He will continue to do the same.

Officially Unmotivated

So, I'm ABD.  All But Dissertation.  It's official.  I will get a letter in the mail very soon that confirms I'm a PhD candidate. Yup.  I handed all the paperwork in to the Graduate School today.

(Sigh.)  Now the real work begins.

I've already had a meeting with my adviser about dissertation chapters and outlines and deadlines.  I have serious work to do.  I also have papers to grade and will soon have a boatload of finals to grade.  Ugh.

I don't feel like doing anything.  Ever since my prospectus defense, my motivation to do anything worthwhile has plummeted to zero.  All I want to do is sleep, eat big breakfasts and Nutella-slathered everything, watch The Mentalist and read Adichie novels on my Kindle.  All I want to do is have picnics and play guitar with my guy.

This is the one time a year I get sick, and not really, it's just kind of a gross head cold where I'm sniffling and congested.  Nothing major.  I just hate not being able to breathe out of my nose when I'm trying to go to sleep.  It was so cute when the boyfriend presented me with an unsolicited box of nasal decongestant tablets.  Aww, how romantic.

I love pleasant surprises.  Like checking my email and finding that I won a $1000 scholarship.  I ain't complaining.

I just don't want to do anything.  All I want to do is nothing.

The age-old question: How did I get so far with such reluctance to get things done?

Navigation. Balance.

So, this week is a big week.

I defend my prospectus on Thursday.  (The boyfriend defends his Master's thesis on Friday.)  What that means is that after April 17, if all goes well, I will be a PhD Candidate.  I will be ABD.  What that means is that I'm done with all classes, all preliminary exams, all of everything except for writing the bane of every academic's existence: The dissertation.  The best dissertation is a finished dissertation, they tell me.  I'll keep that in mind.

After weeks having work work work hanging over me, after submitting my prospectus revision last week, things have sort of slowed down.  I know the real work is definitely in store, so I should enjoy this mini-breather while I can.  There's not too much I need to do to prepare for my defense...talk about the inspiration for my project, explain why I chose the texts I chose, mention my research questions...the rest is just discussion, according to my adviser.

Just as things are progressing with me in the program, things are progressing with the boyfriend.  We're starting to meet each others' families and we're starting to talk about our future together.  While this is all very exciting, it's also very bewildering.

This is still so new to me...just the idea of what it would mean.  What I mean is, not just what "a future" would mean, but how it would affect (and is affecting) my present relationships with my friends and family who have been around long before the boyfriend ever entered the picture.

It's just kind of unsettling, like, I'm walking on this unsteady terrain, and when I take a step, little waves ripple throughout it and I have to stand there for a minute to regain my balance.  But just when I think I've steadied myself and take another step, the waves start rippling again and I have to once again regain a sense of equilibrium.

It's hard to explain.  I'm so happy and so grateful for what God has done and for what He is continuing to do.  I trust Him.  But I also find myself getting overwhelmed and wrapped up in the sheer wonder of what it's like to love and be loved.  So much so that at times I've neglected others.  I find myself projecting so far into the future that I've invented unnecessary points of contention based on the purely hypothetical.

What I'm learning is that once one set of questions are answered, new ones inevitably arise.  I will never have a permanent answer.

I need to figure out how to navigate my other relationships in this new reality.  I need to learn how to better balance my time with the various time-consumers in the mix.

Submitted

So, I just sent in my prospectus to my adviser.

What do I do with myself?  My brain is laughing at me because it knows that I'm not really "done."  There are possible revisions, and there's the defense April 17.

There's something in me that won't let me just dive headlong into chill mode.  Not yet.

Besides, I'm leaving to go to a conference tomorrow.  I guess I should do things that people do before they go on trips.  Like clean up.  Like pack.  Like put copies of the chapter quiz and the class roll in the box of the colleague who's covering for me tomorrow.  Like, print out and revise my paper since the panel moderator has promised to "ruthlessly enforce" an 8-10 minute time limit to present.  Who does that?  All the conferences I've attended have had a 15-minute standard.  But whatever.  I just pray no one asks me any bewildering questions.  I have been bewildered by post-presentation questions in my day with devastatingly awkward repercussions.  It's all under the blood now. ThankyaJesus.

The boyfriend left yesterday to go to a conference as well.  I guess the Lord knew I needed two boyfriend-free days to give my undivided attention to finishing my prospectus.  Well, praise God.

A melange of things have transpired since I've last posted, the most significant of those being that I celebrated my Magic Johnson birthday this past Sunday.  And I must say, it was quite a delightful birthday.  My mom and little bro came up to visit, met the boyfriend, I bought myself the best cake ever and had an impromptu motley crew of friends over to help me eat it.  I was so happy.  I was so grateful.  I am so grateful.

God has been so good to me.  I've had a lot of work to do and I've been a little stressed, but I've also been basking in positivity and productivity.  I don't take it for granted.

A Love Song

So, Spring Break is over, I'm back, it's time to hit the grind again.

Sigh.

I am so not ready.  Jesus be a motivator.

This is what I really wanted to write about, though:  Over the break, my guy got inspired and creative and wrote a gorgeous song for me and about me.  He played and sang it for me tonight.  I was just overwhelmed and impressed and flattered and grateful.  It was beautiful.  It was perfect.  It brought me to tears.

Sometimes I can't fathom being loved this way.  Sometimes it's unbelievable and hard to accept.  At times, my inner cynic insists on waving away notions of "meant to be."  But what if it truly is?

Can I admit that there is a tiny sliver of me that is terrified?

I want to silence the myriad questions and what ifs that occasionally cloud my daydreams.

Thankfully, I always return to the same fact that I have both doubted and believed: God is in control.

Pop-Up Blockers

Google Chrome is my boy.  The address bar also functions as a Google search engine, you can set it to block cookies and pop-ups.

But what I'd like to do is enable pop-up blockers in my life.  You know what I mean?  What I'm talking about are guys formerly in your orbit who are now largely inattentive, but who suddenly pop up out of nowhere. Dude, where you come from?

There's a nice sofa over in the corner and I'd like to cordially invite you to have a seat.  Have several seats.  Saddown.  SEET down.  I'd just like to say nawl, son.  Nawl.

That is all.

Next Stop: Prospectus

This is the last post about comps.  The absolute last post about comps ever.  In life.

I completed my oral defense of my comprehensive exams Thursday and I passed.  Comps has been, effectively and forever, put to bed.

I am so thankful.  It's another milestone that I am glad is finally behind me.

Now, what I have to look forward to is writing what is lovingly called a prospectus.  The prospectus is basically the outline of my dissertation.  It will end up being the introduction to my finished project.

If I do everything I'm supposed to do on schedule, I'll be ABD by the end of the semester.  April 3, I submit my prospectus.  April 17, I defend it.  And once I successfully do so, then and only then will I be known as a PhD candidate.  All I'll have left to do is write the monster.  And once I get a couple of chapters under my belt, I can start applying for jobs.  Scary stuff.  But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I'm currently on Spring Break, which is only sort of a break...there's always more work to do.  But I'm trying to enjoy time with my family while I try to get a good start on prospectus writing/research.

There are so many things I'm excited about.  I'm realizing I can't be afraid to be excited about them.

Things are going swimmingly with, well, let's call him what he is, the boyfriend.  Before I left to go home Saturday he gave me a pretty legit box of chocolates and said, "This is for your parents.  Tell them I can't wait to meet them." (Insert girlish squeals of delight.)

I'm also getting paid beaucoup money to be my professor's research assistant in Boston in May.  I ain't complaining.  For the first time in a while, I'll be able to put some money in the bank.  Yezzir.

I also got a teaching assignment for the rest of the summer, so I'm set.  Super excited.

I'm so grateful.  I really am.  That's all I can say.  I'm so very grateful.

That Girl

I was going to write a more detailed post, but I'm afraid of being that girl.

You know who that girl is.

She's giggly and she talks all day long about some guy she's with and she posts stuff about him on Facebook and she's all wrapped up in him and how he's the best and the sweetest and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I'm not that girl.  I am SO not that girl.

But seriously though, yesterday you don't know how badly I wanted some Chick-fil-a.  I woke up with a chicken biscuit on the brain.  But I didn't want to drive out and get it, then come back to my apartment, then catch the bus to campus (since I can't park on campus) . . . that would be a waste of time.  I was just going to catch the bus, go to campus and maybe get something to eat close to where I needed to get to work.  I was about to leave out, but then I get a text saying, I kid you not, "Hey, I'm on my way to Chick-fil-a for breakfast.  Would you like anything?"

You are kidding me.  I texted back, "GASP!  That is exactly what I wanted!"

I know it's ridiculous, but is it okay if I believe it was the Lord giving me the desire of my chicken-biscuit-loving heart?  And is it okay if I draw any parallels with the person who, unbeknownst to him, asked me if I wanted exactly what I wanted?

Several months ago, when we were mere guitar playing buddies, we were about to practice and I asked what he wanted to play first.   He responded, "Whatever your heart desires."  

John 3:7

Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

I really need to get ready for my office hour (to which I'm perpetually late), but I'm still feeling overwhelmed from yesterday.

God has done something that only God can do.  I am amazed.  I am humbled.  It's too good to be true.  But it's still true.

Part of me doesn't want to write about this in such a public space because it is about a personal spiritual experience that is not mine.

But suffice it to say this: God brought someone into my life.  And I was 100% not in control of the timing of anything.  And it scared me to death.  I hate not being in control.  It makes me nervous and it drives me crazy and it makes me want to do stupid things in vain in order to try to regain control that I never had in the first place and I just can't stand it.  But yesterday God said the same thing that He has always said to me, and that is, I got this.

Suffice it to say that yesterday, someone who has become very close to me was completely born again when he made the decision to be water baptized after he had already experienced Spirit baptism.

This is just the beginning of the journey for him.  I am still on a journey myself.  There are no guarantees.  None other than that God is in control.

God has built my faith and reassured me that it's going to be okay.  He's reminded me that I have no choice but to keep trusting Him and letting my light shine.

Post-Valentine's Day Post

So, as usual, I'm supposed to be doing something productive but blogging instead.

I'm 31, but yesterday was the first time I've been in a relationship on Valentine's Day.

That is not to say that family members haven't done nice things for me on that day.  (Last year, middle bro had balloons, a stuffed animal and a dozen chocolate covered strawberries delivered to me.  Middle bro got major points that day.)  That is not to say that admirers haven't done nice things for me on that day.  (I was extremely flattered and grateful, but the feeling wasn't mutual.)  I am extremely thankful for friends and family who have shown me love on a day where love is celebrated.  And I guess I'm glad to say that I've always been a Valentine's Day person even though I never had a Valentine on that day.  I always got dressed up in red, brought cupcakes, gave out chocolates and made little deliveries to make other people feel special, because I like stuff like that.  Call me a hopeless romantic.

But this year was very sweet and special. There were roses and chocolates and cards involved.  But that wasn't why it was sweet and special.  It was because I realized that even though "I'm 31 and this is the first time I've been in a relationship on Valentine's Day" it doesn't matter.  Because why would I have wanted to have a variety of people that I could number off throughout the years as having been in a relationship with?  Ideally, there should be only one person.  Frankly, I only need one Valentine.  And if not having one all of the other years simply means that I had to wait for the one that is the One, then what is there to regret?

I didn't post pictures on Facebook gushing over anything.  I have this sense of wanting to preserve and protect the relationship, not flaunt it.  People who know me and love me already know.  People who don't know me/have a close relationship with me don't need to know.

I still don't know how everything is going to turn out.  I am definitely not saying this one is the One.  I don't even truly believe in the whole idea of the One, as I've iterated many times.  There are still plenty of possible complications, and I can't forget about that.  But I trust God.  That's all I can say.  And if there truly is a good thing in all of this, He won't withhold it from me.

A Day in Numbered Points

1. Got to my office hour a few minutes late.  But it was okay since I usually stay longer than an hour and no one ever comes anyway, and plus I saw a sweet Brazilian friend on the bus and got to practice my Portuguese a little.  Eu preciso practicar.

2. Got to my office and found that someone (not in our office) had sent a sizable print job to our printer multiple times, blowing up the printer cache and expending exorbitant amounts of toner and paper.  The catch?  One does not just cancel a print job.  Only the person who creates it can cancel it. I just wanna print out my lesson plan, by golly!  Had to send a helpdesk request to our resident smart aleck tech.

3. On my way to print stuff out at another printer I ran into the one I'm never prepared to see.  No way of escape.  Small talk, slightly awkward insertions (and I care about what you and your girlfriend are doing over Spring Break because...) and implications of my being able to "catch up" with him over a cup of coffee because comps are over now.  Nawl, son.  You shall receive no examples of my work, and you shall enjoy no one-on-one coffee chats with me.

4. Day improves, I start getting my little organizational ducks in a row.  Give two make up quizzes.  Post a couple of helpful items on eLC from my flash drive.  I removed it, put in in my purse, then remembered something.  I pulled it back out and reinserted it.  Oh, let me...wait.  Why isn't my office computer recognizing my flash drive?  I just used it a second ago.  That's odd.  I tried my laptop.  My laptop wouldn't recognize it either. I brought it to (another) tech guy to take a look at it.  To no avail. In an instant, my flash drive decided it was a wrap.  Oh, nooooooooo!  I'm up a creek.  Thankfully, I shared files with mi amigo since he's teaching the same class this semester and he was able to dropbox some stuff back to me.  But ugh.  Lesson of all lessons: Back yo' stuff up.

5. So I head over to the rec center for an elliptical workout with mi amigo.  And would you believe I had another one-I'm-never-prepared-to-see sighting?  Argh!  I just pretended I didn't see him.  Mi amigo was none the wiser.  How dare you be at the gym while I'm there?  I cannot have you encroaching upon my lifespace.  I cannot have it.

6.  Got an email that the University is shut down tomorrow.  And if it's shut down tomorrow, it'll definitely be shut down Wednesday.  Thin layers of snow and ice shut things down in these parts.  I'm sure my students are singing Hallelujah to the Lamb.

Three Down, None to Go

Well, hello.

I feel like I can breathe again.  I turned in my take home yesterday morning, officially ending the written part of comps.  This is the song I dedicate to comps:



Since comps has been gooooone...I can breathe for the first tiiiime!

There's still lots of work to do...a month from now, there's an oral defense.  And then I have to submit my prospectus.  And then I have to defend it...like I said, there's still lots of work to do.  But I feel like a weight has been lifted.  I've met a major milestone, and it's kind of amazing.

I'm so thankful.  All of this time, just fretting about comps, wondering how I was going to ever get through it, and now, here I am.  (Just about) on the other side.

Upcoming:

1. A bilingual reading with an Argentine writer.  Guess who's reading the English version?

2. A Valentine's Day in a situation of mutual like.  For the first time.  And I'm wearing my frilly red dress.  Guess what his favorite color is?

3. A post-Valentine's Day departmental talent show.  Guess who's playing the guitar?

This is the first weekend in a long time that I'm spending without doing one drop of work.  Sigh.  Enjoying it while I can!

I can't believe

1. how fast this program has gone so far.  I remember when I moved here.  I remember my first day of class when I had no idea what I was doing.  Now, here I am, 3/4ths done with this thing.

2. how non-stressful comps has been so far.  Anytime I mention to one of my colleagues that I'm in the midst of comps, they gasp as if I should be wholly incapacitated or something.  But it's gone rather smoothly and non-dramatically.  I am so not complaining.

3. how well things are going despite the possible complications of this relationship.  It's humbling and amazing to see God work in the life of someone who is truly seeking after Him.  I kept questioning myself.  I still do.  But I guess I'm more sure now that God really is in control.

Two Down, One to Go

So, I took my second in-house comp exam today.  Period: Contemporary.  Same drill as last time.  Made an outline, wrote for four hours (time flies when you're typing), done.

The last stage in this process is my take-home.  My major professor is giving me a few days to breathe, so she's waiting to give me my questions on Friday.  On Friday, we will meet, she will give me my questions, and then I'll have two weeks to write 15-20 pages answering both questions.

If it sounds like a lot, it's really not.  It's about the length of an average term paper.  And I've written that much in much less time.  So, it can be done.

It's still substantial work, but it'll be much more chill.  I will get to do a little outside research, I will have everything I need to write at my disposal.  It's just a matter of doing it.

Another Comps Post

My second in-house comp exam is Tuesday.  I have a nice long weekend to do any final preparations.  

I had a meeting with the professor who will be administering this particular test earlier this week.  She's wonderful, although she may not be the most organized professor ever.  She totally made me feel at ease about the upcoming test.  She was like, I haven't written the question yet, but it's going to include themes like blah, blah, blah, I'm not going to limit it to any specific works, so you can talk about what you want, there will be no surprises...all you have to do is write it.

That's fabulous.  I mean, I don't have to stress about whatever it is on my list I haven't read in its entirety yet.  She's basically like, just write about whatever you want.  Brilliant.  It's great to not be a huge, teeming stress ball, but in a way, her reassurance has made me feel more lax.  On a day that I should be conscientiously preparing, I'm feeling kind of spacy.  I'm at a coffee shop.  By the window.  I'm (supposed to be) skimming through articles and previous papers I've written for this professor's class to help me organize my ideas, but here I am, daydreaming and mind wandering on my blog.

 

I emailed my professor who wrote the questions for my previous exam about something unrelated and in her reply, she offhandedly mentioned that my exam was "well done."  It made my day.

I constantly fight to resist my urge to control.  To try to figure it all out.  You think I would have learned by now that it's impossible.  It's so hard for me to let go and trust.

All I can think about is how I'm going to finish this program.  Where I'm going to end up.  How things are going to end up.  I looked out the window and saw a family crossing the street.  The dad had a little girl by the hand and the mom had a little baby swaddled up against her in one of those sling things.  I thought about my hypothetical daughter.  And would you believe she already has a name?  Violet.

I have more pressing things to do than ruminate over my hypothetical little girl.  I have to study.  I have to finish this other dissertation fellowship application.  Since I've already applied to one, this one shouldn't be too difficult.  Just tweak some things and keep it moving. 

Sigh.  Gotta snap out of it.  

One Down, Two to Go

So, I took my first comprehensive exam today.  Genre: poetry.  Open up an envelope.  Take out the questions your professor has carefully crafted.  Choose one.  Write for 4 hours.  Save it on a flash drive.  Be done.

I mean, I guess I felt prepared.  There were no surprises.  I won't say it's the most stellar thing I've ever written in Spanish, but I feel like I answered the question.  I wasn't super stressed.  Like, I was almost scared at how non-stressed I was.  Almost like, shouldn't I be more worried?

I'm not saying I didn't take it seriously.  Just sat down, made my little outline, and got to work.  The 4 hours really flew by.

One more four-hour in-house, then a two-week-long take-home. ¡Sí, se puede!

Tomorrow

marks the day I take my first comprehensive exam.

At this point, it is what it is.  I feel that I should have prepared more intensely, but I cannot say that I am unprepared.

I can't believe it.  I've been complaining about it and talking about it and fretting about it and obsessing about it for months, and now, at long last, it is upon me.

I take another one next Tuesday, and after I complete that one, I will have a "take home" that I will have two weeks to complete.  Once I turn that sucka in Feb 4th, then I will be able to breathe.  (A little bit.)

1. A month after I turn in my take home = oral comps defense
2. Two weeks after oral comps defense = prospectus submission
3. A month after prospectus submission = prospectus defense
4. Successful prospectus defense = ABD.  All But Dissertation.

So, if I do everything I'm supposed to do, I'll be ABD by April.  Then the real fun begins.

Semesterly Life

One of the things I love about being a student, and I guess just about being in the teaching profession and academia overall is the idea of a new life every semester.

Every semester, your life gets a new little schedule, you see new little faces and you get to start afresh.  Set the right tone, set the right expectations, get off on the right foot.  I love that feeling.

This morning I got up and said, I'm going to do this right.

I put on a particularly professorial looking ensemble because I like to look extra professorly the first day.  An argyle sweater over a collared shirt and whatnot.  I love the look on their faces when I introduce myself as a 3rd year PhD.  I'd like to think it's because they think I look young.  I think I have another good group.

This semester, particularly this month, is going to be intense.  I should be flipping out right now, but hey, it is what it is, comps are coming up starting next week whether I'm ready or not, so I just have to buckle down.  I finally got that dissertation fellowship application sent off.  One of my committee members who wrote me a recommendation said she wrote me "a very strong letter."  It felt good to finally cast that bread out into the waters.  Shall it return to me after many days?  Time will tell.  There's one more I'm applying for due next month.  I can just tweak the stuff I wrote for the last one, so it shouldn't be too difficult.  Vamos a ver.

I have to stay focused.  "You'll be fine," he said.  "You're smart and you're hardworking and you're going to dominate it.  You just have to keep your focus."  Well, thanks for believing in me.  "And not get distracted," I added.  "Especially by you."  We laughed, but I was only half kidding.  Don't distract me, bro.

2014: I Will Speak Life

Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).

I've resolved to speak life this year.

Today's only the second day of the new year, and I've already caught myself breaking my resolution.

What I realize is that I allow a whole lot of negative, cynical things to come out of my mouth.  What comes out of your mouth is what you accept as true.  And what you accept as true is what you believe.  And what you believe is what you will act upon.  And what you act upon is what determines your life.  Or death.

This year, I want to make a conscious effort to speak life.  Speak positive, encouraging, uplifting things.  Speak from a place of confidence in God.  Speak from a place of assurance in my identity in Christ.  Speak from a place of faith, not fear.

It's harder than it seems.  Just today, I was toiling away at this dissertation fellowship application, and I said, "I am way in over my head on this one."  But no.  I remembered my resolution and said, "But I'm going to do it anyway."  It's worth it.  I am qualified.  I was encouraged to go for it and I am going to follow through.

I'm tired of negative thoughts reigning in my mind and allowing them to come into existence by speaking them out loud.  It truly is a trend I want to reverse.

When the new semester starts in a few days, I'm going to have to hit the ground running.  It's going to be very intense.  There are still so many unknowns.  But I must remember to speak life in the midst of the intensity and in the midst of the unknown.

I had a little side resolution last year that I want to embark upon again this year and that is to learn something new.  Some new skill or talent.  Last year, it was gardening.  This year I think it's going to be knitting.  I've always wanted to learn how to knit.

For the longest time, I've been sort of taken with the idea that maybe one day I would inspire something creative. I've always wanted someone to write a song about me.  Well, I listened to it today.

O RLY?

And just when I thought I was finished with the problematic justification...

First, I wrote it.  Sent it in.  Elaborate here, add a citation here, elaborate there, add a sentence here, she said.  Usually, elaborate means add.  As in, it's gonna be longer than what it was when I initially turned it in.  I elaborated, I added.  Sent it in again. Then homegirl said, Oh, dear, now it's too long.  O RLY?  Now I got to cut back on what you told me to add.  O-kay.  O-kay.  So then I had to slash that sucker back down to size.  Hombre, te lo digo de verdad.  Whittled that puppy down and sent it back in.  Will it be the last?  Time will tell.

It does feel good to have it off my hands again, though.

Ah, but reading.  Finished Junot Diaz's Drown.  Exquisitely written, but mad depressing.  Now I'm reading this experimental novel written by an Afro-Argentine writer that is chock full of Argentine slang flying over my head.

Ah, but dissertation fellowship application.  Due January 6, genius.  The day you start your new life of the new semester.  You must needs get cracking.  Statement of purpose, et. al., honey.  These documents ain't gonna write themselves and then proceed to attach themselves to Interfolio.  No, ma'am.

Ah, but a sweet, unassuming, long-lashed, dimpled, freckle-faced, guitar-playing, Spanish-speaking, singer-songwriting guy.  Who wants to write a song together.  Who introduced me to linguistics terms like 'idiolect' and 'isogloss' and 'implicature.'  Who appreciates GRE words.  Who "can't wait" to come to church with me again.  Who wants to study the Bible in the original Greek and Hebrew.  Who really wants things to work out.

Yes, yes.  I must be careful and use discernment.  Without a doubt.  This is true.  I am quite aware of the complications of it all.  I don't dismiss anyone's concern.  It very well may not work out and I would have to be okay with that possibility.  But can I be for real about something?

I have been in a few situations where everything looked great on paper, but in the end, to be frank, the other party was just not willing to do what it takes.  He was not willing to work for me.  He was not willing to commit.  He was unsure.  He was not confident enough to or simply unwilling to pursue me.  As my friend used to say, he couldn't back that stuff up.  "He can talk a good game, but can he back that stuff up?"

In other situations (where perhaps the paperwork wasn't exactly the best), I was essentially told that wanting the person I date or marry to share my faith was "too much to ask."  O RLY?

Well, now I'm in a spot where the paperwork isn't all in order, but the other party is quite willing to work for me and pursue me, seems sure of what he wants and is willing to commit.  I'm in a spot where, so far, wanting him to share my faith is not too much to ask.  Time will tell.