Navigation. Balance.

So, this week is a big week.

I defend my prospectus on Thursday.  (The boyfriend defends his Master's thesis on Friday.)  What that means is that after April 17, if all goes well, I will be a PhD Candidate.  I will be ABD.  What that means is that I'm done with all classes, all preliminary exams, all of everything except for writing the bane of every academic's existence: The dissertation.  The best dissertation is a finished dissertation, they tell me.  I'll keep that in mind.

After weeks having work work work hanging over me, after submitting my prospectus revision last week, things have sort of slowed down.  I know the real work is definitely in store, so I should enjoy this mini-breather while I can.  There's not too much I need to do to prepare for my defense...talk about the inspiration for my project, explain why I chose the texts I chose, mention my research questions...the rest is just discussion, according to my adviser.

Just as things are progressing with me in the program, things are progressing with the boyfriend.  We're starting to meet each others' families and we're starting to talk about our future together.  While this is all very exciting, it's also very bewildering.

This is still so new to me...just the idea of what it would mean.  What I mean is, not just what "a future" would mean, but how it would affect (and is affecting) my present relationships with my friends and family who have been around long before the boyfriend ever entered the picture.

It's just kind of unsettling, like, I'm walking on this unsteady terrain, and when I take a step, little waves ripple throughout it and I have to stand there for a minute to regain my balance.  But just when I think I've steadied myself and take another step, the waves start rippling again and I have to once again regain a sense of equilibrium.

It's hard to explain.  I'm so happy and so grateful for what God has done and for what He is continuing to do.  I trust Him.  But I also find myself getting overwhelmed and wrapped up in the sheer wonder of what it's like to love and be loved.  So much so that at times I've neglected others.  I find myself projecting so far into the future that I've invented unnecessary points of contention based on the purely hypothetical.

What I'm learning is that once one set of questions are answered, new ones inevitably arise.  I will never have a permanent answer.

I need to figure out how to navigate my other relationships in this new reality.  I need to learn how to better balance my time with the various time-consumers in the mix.