AWKwaaarrd

1. Talking to my Turkish friend about wedding customs.  Turkish women have henna parties, American women have bachelorette parties and lingerie showers.  Why did I have to bring that up?  And why did I have to offer the gift I gave my friend for her shower as an example?!  It was hilarious, so I thought it would be a good laugh as well as explanatory, but awkward me starts talking about it and I realize that I've just talked my way into weirdness.  Well, what was so funny about my gift?  Well, it was partly a gag gift that had, well . . . (Oh, great.)  Explaining why toy handcuffs and a "special" deck of cards are even fathomable gifts for a bride-to-be to someone who is not American, Christian or fluent in English is just . . . ugh, open mouth, insert foot.  And makes me look like a depraved weirdo.

2. Trying to find a gift for my buddy.  There's a hilarious book I read called How to Be Black by Baratunde Thurston.  It's part memoir, part satire, part political commentary.  I died the entire time I read it.  So I go to Barnes and Noble, go to the African-American section, and can't find it.  A book called How to Be Black HAS to be in the African-American section, right?  Where else would it be, right?  I wandered all over the store for a while, really not wanting to go to Customer Service to ask a Southern white lady about a book called How to Be Black.  But I was wasting time, and Customer Service is there for a reason, so I mulled over how I was going to approach it.  Of course, I chose the awkward route.

Me: Um, hi.  I'm looking for a book called, uh, the title of the book I'm looking for is, um, How to Be Black. (nervous laugh).  I looked in the African-American section, I mean, because a book with that title would surely be there, (nervous laugh), but I couldn't find it.  I was wondering if you could check for me?  (Ugh!  Was all that explanation even necessary?!)

Lady: (Looking it up in the database) Here it is.  How to Be Black by, uh, Bara . . tun . . de . . .?

Me: Yeah, Baratunde Thurston.

Lady: It's actually in the Humor section.  (She leads me over to it.)

Me: (sheepishly) Thanks.

Aaargh!  Awkward, clueless woman that I am!  Why did I not fathom that the book that was SO funny could possibly be in the HUMOR section?!  And the awful explanation I gave.  Ugh.  I really didn't want to ask her, but still, I could have done without the preamble of what section I thought it would be in (i.e. It's the section I think you would think it's in too, white Customer Service lady.)  SO awkward.

3. Driving home listening to Christian radio.  The radio station sponsors a Father/Daughter Date Night at Chick-fil-a or something.  When you think Father/Daughter Date Night, you think, "Awww," right? I'm a Daddy's Girl, aww, that's so sweet, Daddy's little girl.  Awww. But tonight the announcer was like, "We've had Father/Daughter Date Night, and now we're going to sponsor Mother/Son Date Night . . . " Um, record halt scratchingly awkward!  Why does Father/Daughter Date Night sound sweet and sentimental, but Mother/Son Date Night sound creepy and developmentally delayed?  LOL.  I could not stop laughing.  Mother/Son Date Night just sounds emasculating, Oedipal, and awkward.  I don't know why.  Maybe it's just me.