I Want Laser Resurfacing Surgery

I can't believe I'm writing about this, but I must because it's about something that has bothered me for a long time.

From the time I was about 14 till I was a sophomore in college I had a horrendous and relentless struggle with acne. (It metamorphosed into inconceivably severe acne once I entered college.) The dermatologist prescribed everything under the sun. Seriously, if I were ever on a game show and one of the question categories were "Acne Medications" I could rack up some serious points. I finally arrived at the drug of last resort, the super-strong, use-only-if-all-options-have-been-exhausted, Accutane.

If you've ever read anything about it, you'd know it is not some stuff you mess with. Because there is a slight chance Accutane can mess up your liver, I had to get blood work done every month to make sure my whatever-it-is-that-can-mess-up-your-liver levels were normal. Since I'm female, I also had to take a pregnancy test every month because if a fetus were to ingest Accutane, it would turn into an awful-looking creature with an enlarged, misshapen head along with various and sundry other deformities. (They included a little drawing of one in the little pamphlet that accompanied each package to discourage the Accutane-dependent from putting themselves at risk to turn up preggers.) All of that to say that you have to be pretty badly off before a dermatologist recommends Accutane.

They say it's a wonder drug. And it pretty much was. They also say that once a round of it has been completed, 75% of people never have problems with acne ever again. I was one of the 25% that had to take another round of it to exorcise the acne demon from my pores once and for all.

Needless to say, the whole ordeal, from initial acne consumption to eventual Accutane cleansing, left my self-esteem in shreds. I must admit that I am still hyper-sensitive about my complexion, even though it looks better than it ever has post-treatment. Though I am so thankful that I don't suffer from it as I did before, here's my problem: The emotional scars left behind aren't noticeable, but the physical ones are.

Again, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. There are no huge, gaping holes, no deep, pitted craters. I know. But like I said, what is there is noticeable. And as much as I've tried to shrug it off and say, "Oh, well, I'll never have perfect skin, so I just have to live with it," something just won't let me leave it at that.

I have done a little bit of research into cosmetic procedures to smooth out scars. There's dermabrasion, microdermabrasion, chemical peels and laser resurfacing. One problem is that all of these procedures have additional risks for people like me who were born with tans (as I jokingly tell students of mine who moan, "Omigawd, I'm so pale! I'm, like, SO going to the tanning bed!"). Laser resurfacing seems to be the most successful with what I want done, and there are even lasers that can be used on all skin types. The key is to find a doctor who is experienced in working with ethnic skin.

Another big problem is that most of this stuff is crazily expensive, and homegirl ain't rich. In fact, I'm about to become really poor since I'm going back to school full-time in the Fall. This is awful, but sometimes I think I won't be completely happy with myself until I can somehow do whatever I can to remedy this lingering thing that has always bothered me. So, I'll either somehow strike it rich and go for it, or continue to go with the less expensive option of sucking it up.