I'm Okay with That

Sunday afternoon, during that sleepy time between Sunday morning and Sunday night services--for me, at least. I'm too awake to catch a little nap, but the tiredness is still lurking behind my eyes. I'm listening to a CD of Spanish popular music that my host brother burned for me. Buscando lo que nunca encontré . . .

I've sort of come to a realization, and that is that it's Chantell all by herself again. Chantell afresh. No more do I have any hopes invested in any possible prospect. Friday night, I was writing the last entry in my now full journal consisting of about the last 2 1/2 years of my musings. I was comparing the times when my brain was consumed with thoughts of someone as opposed to the times when it wasn't. It seemed that I was always better off when it wasn't. Funny how I can remember the first and last names of every crush I've ever had going back even to 2nd grade (well, with the exception of Giuseppe, the son of our next door neighbors back in Italy . . . I never knew his last name. But he did have this really awesome red moped). Funny how you can forget where you've just laid your car keys (and that happens to me WAY too much considering that I'm just 23), yet can remember the finite details about some little guy you used to like.

Anyway, I think I'm coming to more fully accept and appreciate my season of singleness. The fact that there seemed to be no prospects in sight used to be a complaint, but now I'm beginning to see it as a good thing for right now. Because it's where I'm at right now. Instead of feeling depressed about it, I'm comfortable with it. I would be telling the lie of all lies if I said that all of a sudden finding that "special someone" is something that I don't think about anymore or that I don't desire. But perhaps God knows that my brain cell energy would be put to better use elsewhere for now. And I'm okay with that.