Pre-You

I am borrowing this concept from a dear friend of mine and shall expound upon it here. (I gave you credit upfront this time.) LOL. Ahem.

When we meet people, is the person we meet from the get-go really them, or are they, as my friend postulates, Pre-Them?

Think about it. The us that we put forward from the start is not usually the us that people come to know. Not that we're attempting to deceive, necessarily, but that most people are multi-layered and what we get from the get-go is the mere epidermis.

Hasn't this happened to you before? You get to know someone and they say, "You know, when I first met you, I thought you were _______, but now I know better!" What goes in the blank is not necessarily something negative, but rather just one of the characteristics of Pre-You. (What usually goes in the blank for me is "shy.")

Dealing with Pre-People isn't a bad thing. It's just that you have to allow time to go beyond Pre-Them before casting a definitive judgment. What's bad is All-Them from the get-go. I've come to the realization that I'd rather be ambivalent over Pre-Them than dazzled by All-Them. Why? Because once you've met All-Them, that's literally all there is. Sure, All-Them can be dashing and exciting and leave you breathless, but then what? Can All-Them, as my friend put it, "back that stuff up"? Is there any depth beyond the charming artifice?

Here's a hypothetical situation (what if there were no hypothetical situations?) to illustrate a layer of Pre-Them being shed:

Her: (Sitting at a cafe with WiFi, perusing news online waiting for him. She realizes too late that she's sat in the direct line of sight of a middle aged creeper. Fantastic. She tries to sink lower into her seat to allow her laptop screen to block his view. He finally arrives. They greet each other and he sits down.) Hey, would you mind moving over a little bit? No, this way. There's this man sitting over there staring at me, and I need you to block his view.

Him: (laughing) Sure.

Her: (After a bit of chit chat, she excuses herself to the ladies' room and comes back to find the creeper gone.) Thank God that man left. Even after you tried to block his view he still moved over to keep staring.

Him: Yeah, when you left, he came by and asked if I was with you. I was like "Naw, man," and I gave him your number. I even gave him some tips and told him you liked long walks in the park. So, be expecting a call pretty soon.

Her: (laughing uproariously) Whatever.

At first, she thought he was kind of reserved, but then she saw a funnier, more outgoing him beginning to emerge.