The Process

"It's a process."

It seems like this has been my mantra for a while.  It's a process.  You can't rush it, you can't foreknow it, you can't control every aspect of it.  Sometimes it (whatever it is) just has to be and it just has to be allowed to develop, if it is meant to develop, according to God's will.

I'm in the midst of a development that has taken me a little by surprise, frankly.  All I can say is this: I have been honest and upfront from the beginning, and the other person has expressed a willingness and openness to learn about and experience aspects of what makes me who I am that are important to me.

I'll just leave it at that, because that's really all it is for now.

I am hesitant because I don't know how things are going to unfold and I don't want anyone to get hurt.

All I know is that I must stay true to myself.  It's the only way I'll truly be happy, and I know that I am and will be respected for that.

(Sigh.)  Personal life issues are not the only little chunk of my life that is in process.  Take this PhD program, for starters.  I am trying not to hyperventilate over comps.  I know I mention something about comps every time I post a new blog entry.  But it's looming over me and no matter how I slice it, I don't feel prepared.  But God is greater than my feelings of inadequacy, and I just have to do what I can to move forward.

I know I'll eventually "come out on the other side."  I look forward to the day that I can say that I finally have.