I don't know what to title this post.

First of all, I am overwhelmed with gratitude today.  The only way I can describe it is that I know that God knows where I am, and that He's reminded me that I am where He wants me to be.  

Ordinarily, in a situation like the one I've been preoccupied with for the past few days, I would be extraordinarily depressed.  But instead, I feel peace.  I'm so thankful for that peace.  Truly trusting Him and truly leaving it in His hands is a catharsis.  It's a burden lifted.  It's a knowing that feels so natural you aren't surprised when you hear the words confirming it cross your own lips.  It's like being aware of a feeling that you suddenly realize is a fact.  I do not know what the future holds.  But there was something about today that made me truly believe that God is in control.

I have questioned myself and my commitment to God many times.  Is all of that really necessary?  You're just living your life this way because it's what you've always done.  You're rigid.  You're judgmental.  You're uncompromising to a fault.  You've done all the "right" things, and where has it gotten you?

Yes, I, even I, have doubts.  But I felt like today God gave me a teeny tiny peek into the beauty and assurance that results from consistency and commitment.  From not giving in.  From standing firm.  It surprised me.

I'm usually not one who's big on "never compromise" type talk.  I'm really not.  It smacks of dogmatism and grandstanding.  Like a politician who has to convince himself of his own talking points.  Like a Pharisee before he realizes he's unwilling to cast the first stone.

However, I had a couple of experiences today that showed me something like a tiny shaft of light, a flower before it blossoms.  Because I said yes. Yes, it does matter.  Yes, it is worth it.