Passive-Aggressive Rant: Weight Edition

Dear people feeling it necessary to comment on my slight weight gain,

Ya'll are bringing out the tae kwon do in me.  For real, ya'll are making me want to right-hand strike folks in the throat and snap kick people in the gut.  You're bringing all of the moves I learned all the way back to the forefront of my mind.

I'm reasonable.  Look, I know that perhaps I used to be a stick, so any bit of weight I gain is noticeable.  I understand that.  I know you're not implying that I'm getting fat or that I'm overweight.  I get it.  Maybe even, in your old school minds, commenting that I've gained a bit of weight is some Southern version of a compliment.  I understand. But let me break something down for you:

First of all, most people who gain weight already know.  You know why?  Because they're THEM.  Do you know what I mean?  Guess who the first person who noticed that they gained weight was?  THEMSELVES.

Second of all, since when was it hunky dory to tell a grown woman she's put on some weight?  Or worse yet, to ask, "Have you put on some weight?" with a smile.  Do you really think that is a question I'm going to answer with a bubbly giggle?  Especially when you ask it within the earshot of several other people?

Third of all, sit back.  I'm still what most would consider on the thin side.  I still wear a size 4.  Yeah, I said it.   I WEAR A SIZE 4!  So stop acting like I've gone up three dress sizes or something.  Geez.

I don't know what it will take for you to realize that commenting upon my little bit of extra junk is not cool.  It's not.  It's not cool, it's not hot, it's not cute, it's not the business, and it's certainly not any of YO business. I'm young, I'm cute, and I wear a size 4.  Boom!  So, chill out.

Sincerely,

Me