Meat on My Bones or Making Sense

This is not going to be another slight weight gain rant, but people keep saying stuff, for real.  Was I that skinny before?  C'mon.

Anyway, I'm thinking about some other stuff now.  I know this might not make sense, but I'm going to try to explain it.  And maybe I can make it make sense to myself in the process.

You know how there are people other people think you should be with?  Those other people are people with good intentions.  Those other people think you should be with particular people because it makes sense.  And I'm not even talking about the racial "sense" that crops up more often than not in the South.  I'm saying common sense.  Look, he's young, living for God, educated, stable, talented . . . why not?  I know.  Really, I know.  But while other people ask "Why not?" I ask, "Why?"

I don't have anything against them.  But neither do I have anything for them.  Do you know what I mean?

And part of me feels badly because it would make so much sense for me to be "open minded" and just be with them, but I can't because I'm too weird/picky/just not feeling them.

Mind you, perhaps some have tried, yet, because of my finicky ways, they got shot down.  But perhaps some haven't even tried though they've had ample opportunity.  And for the latter situation, what makes you (rather, those other people who think I should just "be open" to them) think they are even interested enough to want to try?

To be fair, I have been on the other end of the stick.  A person who "made sense" for someone else, but was ultimately turned down.  Not for any personal defect, I've come to realize, but just because.  It made sense, but that was about it.  I get it.

But sometimes I wonder if my aversion, if you will, to the people who make sense is as a result of other people wanting me to be with them.  Like, I subconsciously don't want to be with them simply because of the very idea of other people thinking that I should.  Oh, boy.

But here's another little twist.  What about people who don't necessarily make sense, who other people wouldn't necessarily encourage me to be open to, but who meet all of the allowable criteria (faith, education, stability) and who (and this is what gives it a twist) are trying to holla at me and (here's what gives it another twist) who I might consider?

Well, what's the problem there? you may ask.  I know.  Sigh.  I know.  It's just that then I find myself kind of shutting them down, too because part of me feels like, dude, really?  Like, since it doesn't "make sense" for them to even try to talk to me, I subconsciously give them a hard time because I know they wouldn't be considered ideal by the other people with good intentions, and maybe even to me.  Like, what makes him think he's my kind of guy or that I'm his kind of girl?

Who cares about what other people think?  you may ask.  In my mind, I don't care.  But in reality, I do.

Sometimes I feel like my choices are 1. guy who makes sense but isn't particularly attractive (not looks-wise, necessarily, but just to me in general) or 2. guy who's interested and perhaps interesting but doesn't seem would be a good fit and I'm too hesitant to find out if he actually would.

Why can't there just be a guy who makes sense AND is interesting to me? It would make me feel so much more comfortable.  If other people were like, "he would be perfect" and I felt like, "I like this guy" at the same time.

I know, kind of crazy and self-psychoanalytical.  I'm probably making things much more difficult and convoluted than they really need to be.  But this is my brain, and this is how it works.  What can I say?