Results

This morning started out listlessly. Tired of it, skipping every song on my iPod on the way to class because I had heard it already, musing over the fact that everything I've done since high school has been temporary. I got tired of school. Found a job. Got tired of my job. Went back to school. Will I ever be satisfied? Now that this gig is almost up, I easily get mired in existential ruminations. Especially while I'm on the transit. The whole methodical repetitiveness of people getting on. Bus stopping. People getting off. People getting on. Bus stopping. It increases the sense of the mundane and of being trapped in an inescapable, inevitable system.

Then I pondered the blank stares of my students after I explain a grammatical concept to the best of my ability, writing clear examples in blue chalk, and then ask, "Hay preguntas? Any questions?" Their faces scream question marks, but what can I do? Explain it again. Give more examples. Do more communicative activities. And I still have to grade their compositions and listen to their pronunciation recordings and . . .

Later on today the grad student grapevine informed me that we'd be getting our results back from comps today. In our boxes (grown-up cubbie holes). At 2 p.m. Imagine the stress of Deal or No Deal without getting to choose a suitcase number. Whatever suitcase is in your box you have to open and live with.

I tore my suitcase open, praying that I didn't have to retake any more than I previously supposed. Relief. I passed everything except for, well, the section I didn't answer. Smile. Somehow, listening to pronunciation recordings isn't so bad.