Born-Again Flosser Goes to Birmingham

I woke up this morning with remnants of swordfish and pork between my teeth. Had I known that I was going to spend the night away from home, I would have brought some dental floss. I need dental floss. I begin to suffer from withdrawal if I don't have it. I became addicted to it once, for the first time in my life at 19, my dentist discovered a cavity. I've been a born-again flosser ever since.

The swordfish got in there when I went out to lunch with one of my guls in Birmingham (more affectionately known as B'ham, or, simply, The Ham). It may have been the first time I've ever had swordfish. It just sounded exciting, so I got it. It was covered with creamy sauce, too. Then we skiddadled off to the Galleria, and my gul got me a shirt that made me feel like a Greek goddess when I put it on. If I had to choose, I'd choose Athena.


Later, the illustrious M made us a splendid dinner of stuffed pork tenderloin and asparagus. That's how the pork got in there.


A dessert of warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream topped with caramel and whipped cream did me in. It also caused me to have bizarre dreams: I had an argument with my mom because she didn't want to shake hands with one of my friends. I began to cry and yell at her saying, "Mom, how can you call yourself a Christian and treat people that way? It's not fair!" Then I ran away. She called after me saying, "Girl, don't you know I was just kidding?" LOL.

And look at the breakfast I ate this morning! That's what I'm talking about. I could subsist on breakfast food indefinitely.


So, maybe some bacon got in there, too.

Oh, but once I made it back to the Gump, I whipped out that dental floss before you could shake a stick. Glorious. Look, I've got some sizable chompers. I've gotta keep those things right.