Today I Did Something I Hadn't Done in a While

and that is that I took a long, hot, glorious bubble bath. It was so fabulous. I lit candles and had relaxation music playing and such. It was like my own personal day spa. I can't get too used to doing stuff like that, though . . . it'll just make it that much harder to get used to having to do things again.

Today my 20-year-old brother said something to me that, though it made me feel kind of bad, really made me kind of think constructively about myself. And things he says to me (or about me, rather) don't usually make me do any thinking at all. I normally turn my brain on to the "ignore" channel until the moment passes. But today he said, "Out of all the girls that I've known, YOU are the one who has the worst mood swings ever!" Then he goes on to say how one minute I'm laughing and everything is so funny, and the next I'm telling everyone to leave me alone. "I really feel sorry for whoever your husband will be. That man's gonna always be thinking 'What the heck is wrong with you?'" he said.

(sigh) I know I can be moody sometimes. It's one of the things I know I need to work on. But it also kind of brought home to me that the way I behave affects everybody else around me. Whatever I do is going to affect or influence others. It made me realize again that nothing is ever "just me." John Donne's words from Meditation 17 of "no man is an island" fame are really true. "Because I am involved in mankind." I'm not trying to get overly philosophical here--I'm mainly referring to how we are involved with family and friends and with members of the Body of Christ.

Sometimes when I think about the many, many young people from church I have grown up with and when I think about and wonder where they are now, I also begin to wonder: what is it about me that has caused me to stick around? It's not because I'm a super-spiritual demigoddess. It's not because I have heard the audible voice of God or have seen visions of Heaven or have had revelations of the deep spiritual things of the universe that would blow the mind of any mere mortal. None of those things are in the least bit true. But maybe, just maybe, in the back of my mind, there was something that always reminded me that decisions that I make concerning my spiritual well-being were bound to affect people that know me and care about me and even look up to me.

Funny how a fraternal insult brought these musings about.