Postpartum: I never thought I would

be the kind of mom who thinks her baby is cuter than all the others. I mean, I honestly thought I would be more objective about it. Like, take myself for example. I think I am relatively attractive. There are people less attractive than me and there are people more attractive than me (keeping in mind, of course, that attractiveness all around is extremely subjective). What I'm trying to say is that I feel that I have an objective view of my appearance. I know I'm not a supermodel, yet I know that I'm not considered unattractive. I feel like I'm aight. I felt that I would have the same approach to my baby's appearance. Like, babies are generally cute. Some are more or less attractive than others, and I figured I would place my baby somewhere in the range of reasonable attractiveness. But no. I think my son is THE CUTEST. I really do. I surprised myself with how strongly I feel about how adorable he is. Like, when I'm scrolling through on social media (worst pastime in the world) and see pictures of other babies, I think they're cute for the most part, but I honestly always think my son is cuter. He just is. And I can't believe I believe that.

I never thought I would be nonchalant about getting baby slobber all over me. On my face, hands, shoulders, even occasionally in my mouth. Seriously, getting saliva all over you is gross. And when I would handle other people's slobbery babies in the past, I thought it was gross. But now, I'm just all up in it. His two little cute bottom teeth poking through with drool pouring out. I will literally kiss his little slobbery lips and not think twice about it.

I never thought I would be as chill as I am about having a baby in my life. I thought I would be more overprotective or hyper or something, but when it comes to him, I usually think, "He'll be fine." I don't worry about schedules or sleep training or making sure he's doing enough or getting enough blah, blah, blah. Maybe I'm this way because I've had the privilege to spend a lot of time at home with him. I do give him a Vitamin D supplement regularly, I did make sure to get in extra feedings when the pediatrician said he'd like to see him gain a little weight (he gained a whole pound!), and I am pretty adamant about him exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months (he's already 5), but I feel like I don't generally nit pick. Now, I did freak out about childcare. But that's not nitpicking. On a slightly unrelated note, can I be honest and say that overprotective moms who call themselves "mama bear" annoy me? "Mama bear" is one of those terms that get under my skin, kind of like "hubby" or "preggo." Ugh. Like, if you use the term "mama bear" to describe yourself, to me, that's code for "mom who wants to justify outbursts and other jerk-hat behavior towards others for perceived slights to her kid." I'm a mama bear and if you mess with my kid, I'll mess with you! RAAARRWWW! Like, if you call yourself "mama bear," you might as well call yourself "I want to speak to your manager."

I never thought I would enjoy using the baby as an excuse not to do stuff or to leave early from social events. Oh, you'll have to excuse us, we've got to get the baby to bed. Our lives are "busy" now because we have a baby, so whoever you wanted to ask to do that thing, it's not us. Babies are so time consuming. Oh, my gosh. We never get any sleep. You know how it is. (wink, wink) Ha. It's the polar opposite of when I was single, therefore I had all the time, ever. You ain't got no husband and no kids, girl, you don't have a life, you got time! Not anymore, suckas. I am SO BUSY now. I have like, negative time in my bank account.