Wedding Jitters?

So, the day is very quickly approaching.

I feel like everything about my perceptions and how I feel things are perceived are heightened.  Things bother me much more easily and things easily make me cry.  Like today, I wanted to leave Starbucks because this old lady interrogated my fiancé about his t-shirt.  "What does that say?  I'm just trying to read what it says. What does that mean?"  Like, who are you?  It's the name of a band you've never heard of and why do you even care other than feigning "innocent curiosity" in order to be nosy and judgmental, you old bag?

I realize that I am also super sensitive about how I feel people perceive us as a couple.  I'm all about noticing how awkward-seeming people are who I think are either uncomfortable with an interracial couple or just don't know how to place us.  So they either just act weird and/or act super nice and go with the fall back "oh, my God you guys are so CUTE."  And I'm over here like, um...thanks?  I'm willing to admit it's probably largely in my head.  In any event, I should just saddle up because I don't imagine it'll be any less awkward when little bambinos come along.

I had a bridesmaid dress-related moment yesterday.  I just had to sit and cry for a minute and then just take a deep breath and get it together because what else can you do except just hope that everything will somehow work out?  And it will work out.  It wasn't even a huge deal.  I just want everything to be done and planned and set up and decided and paid for.  And it isn't yet.  But it will be.

Sometimes I look deeply into my fiancé's eyes.  Not just because I'm in love with him, which I am, but I'm trying to grasp something I feel I haven't grasped yet about him and don't know if I ever will.  It's not like I don't know him or don't feel comfortable with him.  It's not like I don't know his habits, likes and dislikes, what makes him laugh, what annoys him.  It's not like I don't know what his goals are in life, what he's passionate about.  It's just the realization that you can never 100% "know" a person.  You can't read their minds.  You can't go back in time and somehow become them and live their entire lives as them up until this point.  He is a separate person and I can't control what he does and what he does is going to affect me.  It's not like I'm afraid he's going to suddenly do a bunch of weird stuff...I mean, if I felt that way, I wouldn't marry him.  It's just that there's a sense of the unknown about entering into this phase of life.  I don't know what being married is truly like.  And I won't know until I'm there.