I Love My Fiancé

This may be the most sappy post I will ever write in my life.  But first of all, why am I so sappiness-averse anyway?  Why do I have this reluctance toward being all dreamy and swoony about being in love?  Maybe I just don't want to be annoying.  I mean, I do try to keep it real, though.  I know my man isn't perfect, and Lord knows I certainly am not.  But we're perfect for each other.

I do have this growing sense of feeling like I would get buck with a girl who tried to step to my guy, though.  And I never imagined myself as a person capable of actually getting buck.  Like, I might in my mind, or joke around saying what I would have said or what I would have done if someone had said or done whatever, but I'm feeling like I actually would let someone know that they needed to have a seat.  About a month or so ago, I had a dream that a girl with long, dark, flowing hair sidled up to my fiancé and started giving him a back massage.  And in the dream, I grabbed her hair, yanked her away from him and slammed her to the ground.  The dream was so funny, because I would never do that, but it was also kind of scary because...would I do that?

I guess, if I had to boil things down to the essence of why I love him, it's because, generally speaking, he has this pure, straightforward sense about his intentions, what he wants, why he wants it and what he has to do in order to gain it.  More specifically, I've been in past situations with guys where there was a screen of insecurity shrouding their intentions, or worse, there was a screen of ulterior motives enveloping their actions and words, or even worse, a combination of both.  What I'm trying to say is that with him, there's been this openness that's made me feel secure.  I feel like I've never had to guess.  There's a consistency about him that's comforting and reassuring.

I'm beginning to grasp the idea that my happiness, my pleasure, my comfort, my well-being, is profoundly tied to someone else's.  The idea that what he honestly wants is for me to be happy and that being assured of my happiness is what makes him happy is something amazing.

I feel like he gets that what I have to offer is unique.  What I mean is that it's one thing to be admired, but quite another to be understood.  I don't mean to say that he's a mind reader or something and "understands" every single thing about me.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that he doesn't just recognize that what I have to offer and the qualities I have or whatever you want to call them are positive, desirable things, he also understands the value in them.  A great enough value to want them to be a part of his life forever.  He sees that they're worth commitment and acceptance.

I love him because he makes me feel like all of the things about myself that I feel insecure about are okay. Beautiful, even. It's okay that I cry a lot.  It's okay that I overanalyze everything.  My hair is beautiful.  My skin is beautiful.  He sees me in a way that makes me feel like just being who I am is enough.

Then, there are the ways that we fit.  I love that we speak in Spanish to each other whenever we feel like it. I love that we play the guitar together and create songs and lyrics and harmonies together.  I love that we go to church together and are involved in ministry together and both have a desire to grow spiritually.  I love that we're both well-traveled and love exploring new places.  I love that we love simple things: picnics, farmers markets, walks in the park, Spanish lattes by the window.  I love that one of our favorite things to do is to watch Chopped and laugh.

And, of course, there are those little things about him.  His dimpled smile, his freckles, his long eyelashes, the sound of his voice.  His glasses, plaid shirts, clean-smelling cologne.  The way he throws his head back and squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds when something really makes him laugh.

Finally, I love the way he loves me.  Tenderly.  He kisses my hand and my forehead and tells me that he loves me, that I'm beautiful, that he's so lucky, so blessed to have me.

I still can't believe I'm getting married.  The idea is taking some getting used to.  But I can say that I value so deeply what my fiancé and I have.  We have so much to look forward to.