Your Life Is Now

I'm on a positive kick after talking to mi mejor amiga earlier today, so I'm going to go ahead and write this now so that when I get into my little dramatic bouts of melancholy, I can look back on this and get my head right.

Part of what we were talking about is the fact that we are living our lives now.  So many times we envision ourselves at some point in some indeterminate future, believing that our lives won't truly begin until we get to that point.  We worship this idea, we build a shrine to it.  We hold on to it for dear life, and then become extremely discontent with our lives when things don't exactly happen the way we had envisioned.  We still cling to it.  We mourn it.  That life that could have been.  That life that should have been.  The life that isn't.

What I have come to believe from experience is that we have to let go of what could have been/should have been, but isn't.  Completely let it go.  Because this is the thing: How can we expect God to give us the desires of our heart when we're still clinging to what we thought should have been? It's only when we let go of that idea, let go of the way we thought it should have worked out, let go of our preconceived notions of the life we thought we wanted at this point in time, let go of it completely, that God has the chance to give us something we never expected. It's only when we let go of it completely that we open ourselves up to receive those things God has for us that go beyond what we ever conceived for ourselves.

There are things beyond our control, but there are a whole lot of things within our control, that are within the scope of our ability to achieve. I say whatever it is that you want to happen in your life that you can control, go for it. Do whatever you need to do to make it happen. Don't live your life thinking that it will only truly begin in some indefinite future.

I'm not saying I'm 100% happy all day, every day, 24/7, with where I am in my life.  I still have a lot of work to do.  I don't even know what "100% happy all day, every day, 24/7" even means or if it's even part of the reality of being a human being in this fallen world.  But what I can say is that the past few years, I've taken steps toward living the life I want to live.  I'd always wanted to learn a third language after doing the Spanish thing.  I applied to a study abroad program and won a scholarship to spend 6 months in France.  Je l'ai appris.  I had a horrible, soul-draining job.  I quit it and applied to a PhD program so that I could put myself in a position that would open more doors for me and perhaps put me on the path towards a career that I enjoy. I'd always wanted to learn how to play the guitar.  I borrowed one from a friend, found an instructor I could afford, and went for it (getting a brand-new guitar from my generous brother in the process).  I'd always wanted to learn how to garden.  I staked my claim in a community garden plot, not knowing what the heck I was doing, but did what I could and now I'm obsessed with my "veggie babies" and learning all kinds of vegetable recipes.  While I can't make the "perfect man" (whatever that means) fall in love with me, I have been very honest and forthright with men who are interested in me about what I want, how I feel, where I stand and what I expect.  I've found that people admire my candor, that I've saved myself a bit of time and maybe a bit of heartache, and perhaps that I've inspired people who are serious to step up to the plate.  Why complain about how men treat you and how "there aren't any good guys out there" if you don't believe you should be treated a certain way and if you don't set expectations for the type of relationship you want?

Your life is happening right now, and whatever it is that you've "always wanted to do," put yourself in the position to do it right now. Write your own story now. When you're in His hands, you can't go wrong.