I only shop there out of poor graduate student necessity. I hate it. It takes forever, it's always mad crowded, I always end up going in circles trying to find stuff, wasting time, always dodging people in the aisles, trying to avoid the ogling of dirty old men, getting lost by the non-advice from people who work there. No ma'am, matches are not with groceries, and those little long neck lighters are not just between registers 15 and 16 with all of the last-minute junk. Matches AND long neck lighters are with the kitchen utensils in housewares. Yes, ma'am. I found that out after I wandered the store struggling with a bootleg cart that wouldn't stay on course, full of groceries. I was NOT leaving without my long neck lighter. A girl has candles and a girl will light them and smell them.
Don't look at me crazy if I ask you to slice my honey cured ham thinly, neither. Lady, it's what you do. Sir, I know you're just a lost middle-aged man, I'm not annoyed, but if you're looking for cranberry sauce, um, it might be with canned fruit, you know what I'm saying?
It's just so tiring. And this is just for ONE person! I mean, I guess for that reason, I only go what I call "big shopping" once a month. And I talk about wanting bundles of kids. How you think them kids are gonna be getting fed? If thou hast run with the footmen and they have wearied thee, then how canst thou contend with horses?
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