I Just Wanna Help

Here's an excerpt of an email I sent a friend:

I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for bringing things up that you don't want to talk about. I say that my intention is to "help" and I sometimes have a twisted sense that I'm supposed to be the helper of all and convince everybody that everything is going to be okay. However, that is NOT my job, and in fact it's kind of arrogant to believe that a bit of supposedly well-reasoned arguments from me is going to convince anybody of anything. It's arrogant to believe that it's my place to "help" and that whatever I say or do would be some kind of a cure-all.

As you know, I'm an analytical person, and despite having a very emotional side as well, my doubts are usually kept at bay, or at least some what helped, with sound logic. But everyone doesn't think the same way I do, and sometimes it's easy to forget that.

I hope you accept my apology, and I hope you realize that I love you and value you very much as a friend. It was brought to my attention just a few moments ago that the best way to "help" is to pray for you, and I ask that you do the same for me.

I really do want to help people. I want to "be there" for people. I want to be the encourager. The person that convinces you that it's going to be okay. I want to change everyone's pessimistic points of view about themselves and where God has them in their lives. It bothers me when people are comfortable in their dissatisfaction. It frustrates me when people stubbornly refuse to hope. (I'm speaking generally here, not referring to this particular friend's situation.)

All right. I have my days when things are "wretched." But even then I know it's not over. I have my days where I give myself over to literally heartrending sobs and I will unashamedly cry until my eyes are puffy, my throat is raw and my head throbs. But even then, in the end, I know it's not over. I don't give myself over to a permanent false reality of hopelessness. It's not that I'm so noble that I wouldn't. It's that I can't. God has done too many crazy it's-GOT-to-be-God things for me not to be convinced that ultimately, He's got me.

But back to my need to "help." Sometimes optimistic arguments are nothing but optimistic arguments. The belief that if only I could convince someone to look on the bright side, everything will be okay and to follow it up with a back-patting reminder that God knows best is misguided, naive and self-important. Sometimes the best way to "help" is to lay aside the need to be a savior and leave it in the hands of the One who is.