Bridezilla

Ugh. I apologize in advance.

1. In less than two months from now, I'm getting married.  Yup.  I have a counter on my blog.  I am so aware of it.  I wake up every morning and think about it.  You (yes, You, probably well-meaning, nameless, composite, passive-aggressive target) reminding me of it is NOT HELPING.  Yes, I know it's soon.  Yes, I'm excited.  Yes, I'm nervous.  Like, what do you hope to accomplish by asking me these things and stating the obvious?  What reaction to these inquiries do you hope to elicit?  You are making me more nervous.  And if you can visibly see that your prattle is making me more nervous, your saying "Oh, I don't mean to make you more nervous!  Oh, I don't mean to overwhelm you!" is even more infuriating, because what else did you expect? Did you think I was going to break into song and dance out of gratefulness for being reminded of what is already branded into my brain?

2. MORE people have tried to invite themselves.  What is this?  A self-invitation epidemic that is plaguing brides-to-be like some sort of annoying, presumptuous, clueless Ebola virus?  Yes, I DO mind that you would like to come.  We have a limited guest list and limited money.  Period.  Ugh, I've already extended invitations to people I probably shouldn't have. People out here acting like going to my wedding is the last step in the plan of salvation.  Go sit yourself down somewhere and stop trying to get all up in my lifespace.

3. And of the people who have been invited, I have this sinking feeling that some are going to fail to RSVP on time (before April 15) and then ghettoly be like, "Aw, you knew I was planning to come!" and then show up and get extra helpings of spinach and artichoke dip.  Nawl.  We need headcounts, people.  We need cold, hard numbers so that we'll know how much seating we'll need for the ceremony and reception.  We need cold, hard numbers so we'll know how much food to pay for.  How much and how many of every little thing we're going to need for everyone.  There is a very simple, streamlined process mentioned on the invitation and outlined on my wedding website for you to sign the heck up.  It only takes a few clicks and typing strokes.  I already have 100 million things buzzing around in my brain.  Trying to remember whether so-and-so mentioned they were coming is not one of them.  We've set that sucker to disallow RSVPs after the cutoff date, so if you're planning to come, let my lovely little online registration process know, not me.  No, we were not dealing with no send in a response card madness.  Extra postage and having to keep up with that junk.  We are living in 2015.

4. I am in a passionate hate affair with myself because I am getting NOTHING done.  I have a dissertation to write.  I have chapters due.  I have things to accomplish, and here I am, inching along like a slothful slug because I can't compartmentalize.  This is beyond procrastination.  Okay...maybe I can give myself a millimeter of credit.  I did turn in a chapter this semester, I am presenting at a conference next month, and I do have an article being published in a forthcoming edited volume.  But it's still woefully embarrassing how far behind I am.  I HAVE to finish in May 2016.  I absolutely have to.