What's really going on?

I met someone when I wasn't trying to meet anyone new.  It came at a time when I had finally decided that I was done dealing with another person in my life.  I was done, as in, I was done opening myself up to him: "You have everything to give and he has everything to take."

It sort of happened.  He asked if I wanted to have coffee sometime.  We started playing the guitar.  We enjoyed each others' company.  I was in denial.  No, it's not like that.  Until it was.  What makes you think this could work?  It couldn't work.  It wouldn't work.  You're too different.  And church!  Hello, skirt girl.  And church.

 Whatareyougettingyourselfinto?  Whatareyouthinking?  Whatareyoudoing?  But I'm not.  doing.  anything.  I'm just trying to finish this program.  How can I shut myself off from the world?  Is that what I'm supposed to do?  I could've said no to coffee.  I could've said no to jam sessions.  I could have said no to going to hear him play open mic at a coffee shop downtown.  But I didn't.  And should I have?

So, what's a church girl to do other than bring up church?  I mean, hey, this is important to me.  What's a church girl to do other than be upfront?  But I'm too much of a weirdo . . . it's too weird, he's not going to be interested, it's so different.  I'm so different.  He won't understand.

But then he wanted to have a Bible study.  We did.  And then he wanted to come to church.  He came. And now he wants to get baptized?

What's really going on?  Like, is this for real?  This is not supposed to be happening.  You weird little flirt to converter.  Missionary dater. Why can't you stick with your own already-churched kind?  But . . . I wasn't trying to . . . 

"Well, just be careful."  "Well, just pray."  "Well, it's a process."  "But, weren't you just talking about some other guy? It's too soon."  "That's really fast, isn't it?"  "Just wait and see."

I know.  I know.  Iknowiknowiknowiknowiknow.

I'm trying to just breathe.  Just trying to not get in the way more than I already have.

I have to be honest and say I don't know what's really going on.  I can't call it.  So I'm trying to let it be.  And I'm trying to enjoy the journey.