Dear Gross Old Man,

There are so many things you need to understand, but the first one is that Guitar Center is not the place to try to pick up chicks.  Really?  Second of all, you have some audacity.  Let me ask you something.  What makes you think that you, looking like a human milk dud, even have the right to talk to me?  You are OLD.  You are UGLY.  Please understand, you can't help the fact that you look like a milk dud or that you're old.  I'm not faulting you for that.  But you can help the fact that you're trying to get all up in my face.  Holding the door to the acoustic guitar room, looking at me like a piece of meat as I walk by talking about some "You're beautiful." I said thank you, but then you had to tack on a lecherous, "No, thank you."  Ick.  Then still trying to spit some non-working game talking about some, what kind of guitar music do I play and can you come over to hear me sometime.  Um, no sir.  That's what I said, no sir.  You are creepy, you are gross, you are old, and you have no business trying to talk to me.  Get up outta my face and stop thinking that you still got it.  Cuz if you ever had it, let me tell you this right now:  You don't have it anymore.  It's GONE, son.  In fact, I suspect you lost it a LONG time ago, buddy.  So hang it up, keep your dirty old man mouth shut and sit your milk dud behind down.
                                                                         
                                                                         Sincerely,
                                                                         Me