I realized that I didn't even formulate a New Year's Resolution.
There are two big things that I need to work on: trusting God and being consistent.
Frankly, 2010 was a year of a series of bad decisions. It would be unwise to enumerate them here, but I have to own up to the fact that I made many decisions based on fear and lack of trust in God which have resulted in an emerging pattern of inconsistency. If I plan on ever finally facing my demons and overcoming them, this cannot continue.
There's no golden ticket. No one is going to rescue me. If I'm ever to regain ground, I have to do it on cold, hard, realistic terms.
It doesn't have to be so grim and dire. I need to learn to accept the fact that life never stays within the lines and that just because bad decisions can't be undone it doesn't mean that we cannot move forward or that God is not still in control.
I was reading Genesis during a bible study the other day and was struck with the beauty of the creation story. God spoke things into existence. They were good. He gave things a name. He separated the light from the darkness. He created order out of the void.
I got an email the other day from the Romance Languages department of where I'm applying to enter the PhD program. All materials have been received. Soon they'll schedule a phone interview to be conducted entirely in Spanish. I need to be ready to give specific answers about my goals and interests.
There are so many bright spots I can focus on. My life is being lived right now.
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