Great Expectations

Ever read that book back in the day? Pip and his benefactor. Miss Havisham and her moldy wedding cake and her twisted protégé, Estella. Nevertheless, my expectations have nothing to do with 19th century England or any fictional characters that inhabit it. It’s just that tomorrow morning, I will be taking a long road trip to a place I’ve never been before—St. Louis, MO.

As I’ve said probably 15 or so times already, I am so not a conference person. So, why is the prospect of going to the IQ Forum so titillating? I don’t know . . . I guess maybe because I’ve been on this personal quest to find some sort of niche where I actually fit in somewhere, and somehow, I have a feeling that going to this conference is the beginning of my answer. Excerpt from my personal journal (after getting into an argument with my dad and being branded as a “liberal” by him once again):

“Me and my “liberal tendencies.” A liberal Pentecostal. What a tormented oxymoron. A sad and twisted intertwining of supposedly seemingly polar opposites. Out of sorts in the big globe, out of sorts in the little bubble. But does there exist some sort of Aristotelian golden mean in this free-floating limbo that mashes your heart and brain over and over until they are indistinguishable masses of human tissue?”

I do not claim to be a “liberal.” I am not a bleeding heart Democrat, or a wannabe member of the ACLU and I don’t have soapbox-smelling bumper stickers all over my car. I will admit, however, that I did not vote for Bush and do not think he’s the best thing since sliced bread. I will admit that the whole Iraq business went very sharply against my grain and that I don’t think Affirmative Action is nothing but reverse discrimination. Is it possible to be anti-death penalty yet pro-life? Is it possible to be politically left of center, but to be . . . so religiously “right” that many consider my lifestyle near fundamentalist extremism? But my mixed feelings concerning politics are just the tip of the iceberg in the “free-floating limbo” I find myself in.

I really didn’t mean to get so political. It’s just that I’m tired of falling into the “no one understands me” mode, when at the core, I know it’s not true. I know that I’m not alone. Not that the niche I seek is one where everyone is “left of center” politically—not at all. What I seek is a . . . network, if you will, of like-goaled people. People who think, people who are about education, people who believe that logic is not necessarily something to be shunned, yet people who are about living for God and people who are about dedicating themselves to furthering His kingdom. Another oxymoron? I beg to differ.