Argh! Life Isn't Fair.

Guy 2 is a complete no-go.

I hate to break things down in such final, hopeless terms, but I must. I have to face reality and let it soak in really, really good.

In the end, I'm fine, he's fine, we're still friends, but also in the end, he can feel encouraged from having gotten to know me and be in admiration of my . . . godly dedication or whatever and go on with life, but I can be left feeling vulnerable and wondering why I ever allowed myself to hope.

Here's something else: I can "argh" all I want to, but it doesn't change the fact that life isn't fair. It's just not. There is positively no way around it. I can blubberingly pour my heart out to God every living day, but He is never going to make life un-unfair because I want it to be.

I'm at a point in my life where I have been characterized by many people as the good, nice girl who has it together, whom people flock to and children adore, who's going to do great big fat wonderful things for God, who is principled and is a "rarity," and who is going to "make someone happy." And while it's all swell to be that girl, while I don't necessarily wish to not be that girl, it gets tough being that girl. When you're a so-called rarity, that means that there aren't a myriad of people out there who have the slightest idea what it's like to be you, who can "get" you in a way where you actually, for once, feel understood.

So when, by a series of "coincidental" events, someone crosses your path who seems to, um, align in mindbending ways, what human being could be so stoic as not to hope? So, while I 100% don't blame him and tend to put 100% blame on myself for having the audacity to hope (thanks, Barack), in the end, I guess I can't beat myself up too badly.

Alas; in our earthly lives, will we ever understand the whys of everything? Fat chance. But is Someone in control? I'm going to have to go with yeah.