Regroup

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Lemons
Ugh. Rejection is bitter. And I question myself. Like, if my goal was to go to graduate school, get a change of scene, all of that, why did I fixate on one place, and one place only? Most people apply for at least 2 or 3 other places when considering graduate school. But the way I zeroed in on Wash U was almost obssessive-compulsive. There are certainly other quality schools in the St. Louis area. Why didn't I consider any others?

And when I get back to work, I'm going to have to explain over and over again that I didn't get in (I will feel especially crunchy doing so to BD), and graciously accept condolences and pats on the back while smiling when they say, "But at least we get to have you for at least one more year!" But the smile will be genuine. Honest. I'll just say, "Yeah, and I'll get to work with great people for at least one more year!" And I'll mean it.

Lemonade
My employers (and co-workers) really are great people. During my whole uncertainty stage, they assured me that no offers would be made until I let them know for sure what my plans were because their first choice was to have me stay. That really, really meant a lot. Many people do not have such reassurance when dealing with possible job changes. And it's a good thing when you're able to say that you love your job. I'm teaching what I love--Spanish, I have a variety of ages to keep me busy, I have a lot of freedom and flexibility in what I do, I have a very supportive administrative staff and parents to work with, the children allow me to be a teacher instead of a disciplinarian, and, unlike many teaching jobs, mine is highly unstressful. I know at times that I probably take that for granted, but I really am very thankful for my ideal position. (It's not a bad thing, either, that the school is a 2 minute drive down the street from where I live and I can super save on gas.)

The agonizing wait is over. I know something for sure. And though the answer was not what I hoped for or expected, it feels so great to be out of that unnerving state of limbo. Now my face can begin to recover from stress-induced breakouts. Ick.

I'm still in a place of familiarity, which is not always a bad thing. I won't be starting a brand new scary life (yet). I can use some of the money I was saving up to transfer to instead get out of my parents' house and be a big girl on my own.

When God closes one door, He opens another.

One door
Washington University in St. Louis. Perhaps they found that my interests didn't exactly line up with what they offered. Perhaps as you move on up the educational ladder, you find that people are more like you (i.e. "accomplishments" are the norm, not exceptional) and the playing field is a lot more level and more competitive. Perhaps God was just shaking His head, wagging his finger and going, "Uh-uh," as He closed the door.

Another
::cough::Auburn University::cough:: I know, sacrilege to a Bama grad, I know. But I doubt Bear Bryant will turn over in his grave or anything. Besides, I bought one of his trademark hats when I went to Tuscaloosa earlier this week. So, he should be appeased. It's the closest college (about a 45 minute drive away) that has a graduate program in Spanish.

I have a confession to make. God was pushing me towards an open Auburn door last year, and I wasn't too eager to go. (I vaguely posted about this as the 90&9 blogger back in May.) No, not because I'm a die-hard, foaming-at-the-mouth Bama fan, but because I didn't want to have to juggle job and school. I didn't want to have to teach, commute, go to class . . . I didn't want that whole rigamarole. And above all, I didn't want to be here! I wanted to quit work, move (far) away, and jump headlong into the thick of a program instead of taking a piecemeal approach. Even so, I began to look into it and chatted with the program director and he let me know they would be willing to work with me, and that it could be done, even with my job. God spoke, but after I went to STL, I became so starstruck that I tuned Him out. Now, I'm back to where I started. Lesson learned: Listen to God. Sheesh. Like you could somehow go wrong.

Always have a Plan B.

Okay. ::sighs pensively:: This is my (still in formulation) plan. Get with Auburn ASAP and plan to start taking classes this summer. Take a class or 2 per semester while teaching during the upcoming school year as my schedule allows. After next year, quit, and go to Auburn full time to finish up the M.A. in Spanish. From there (who knows what my life will look like by that time, but anyway) make a more judicious choice about schools to apply to for a PhD.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).