Feeling Christmasy
I went to a Christmas party last night. A friend from church had an office Christmas dinner party, and I tagged along. But even as I left with a gorgeous Christmas ornament and a ceramic Santa, I didn't feel Christmasy. I mean, th
ey made us sing the 12 Days of Christmas and everything, but still. I don't know what it is . . . it seems like each year it takes me a little bit longer to get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe because this is the first Christmas I've lived on my own and I haven't had time to amass a whole bunch of Christmas decor? Maybe because I haven't smelled sugar cookies baking yet or taken any tentative sips of egg nog? (The sips are tentative because I can't take it in gulps. It's too . . . eggy.) Or, maybe it's more simple than that--because I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet. Sheesh, in that case, I probably won't feel Christmasy until like Dec 20 or something.
I'm Dying to Know
Okay, I talked about how I won this short story contest from a story I wrote about myself and my priest buddy. I was just bursting to share it with him and see what he thought, so I emailed him Thursday about it. I didn't go into detail, I was just like, "Padre, I need you to do me a huge favor. Go to this link, read it and tell me what you think." I still haven't heard back from him, and the suspense is excruciating. Will he be flattered? Apalled? Will he feel weird because this girl in his class wrote a story about him? Like semi-stalked? lol. I'm trying to think how I would feel if it were the other way around. How would I feel if someone wrote a story based on me? I think I'd be flattered. But maybe I'm a little worried because my physical description of him in the very beginning of the story is not exactly flattering, lol. But he's the one who always references his age and weight and jokes around a lot, so I seriously doubt he'd be sensitive about that or anything. We'll see.
Convince Me
Of course, no pre-writing procrastinatory ramblance (yes, I made that up) would be complete without speculation on the, uh . . . shall we say, exactitude of what I "want" (in quotes because of the admittedly problematic nature of that word). I think I've finally hit the nail on the head.(sigh, how many times have we heard that before?)
I want to be convinced.
That's what hasn't happened yet. I have been flattered. I have been endeared. I may have even been impressed. (And being impressed is not as important to me as some people seem to think.) But I haven't been convinced. Convince me that you're worth setting aside for. Convince me that I can let down my guard without regret. Convince me that it's going to work. I thought about it, and this is why nothing so far has lasted. Because I wasn't convinced of those three things. Maybe I'd been convinced of one or two of them at a time, but never all three. The million dollar question is What will it take to convince me? Like I know. lol. But I'd advise whoever can figure it out to not wait until I'm like 40 to do so. Thanks.
Postscript
I'm starting to love it when people think I'm still in high school. I used to hate it, but 26 is around the corner, and though I'm not worried about getting old (26 is not old. Please.), it's still nice to know that I could pass for much younger.
On to the take home final. Aaargh.
I went to a Christmas party last night. A friend from church had an office Christmas dinner party, and I tagged along. But even as I left with a gorgeous Christmas ornament and a ceramic Santa, I didn't feel Christmasy. I mean, th
ey made us sing the 12 Days of Christmas and everything, but still. I don't know what it is . . . it seems like each year it takes me a little bit longer to get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe because this is the first Christmas I've lived on my own and I haven't had time to amass a whole bunch of Christmas decor? Maybe because I haven't smelled sugar cookies baking yet or taken any tentative sips of egg nog? (The sips are tentative because I can't take it in gulps. It's too . . . eggy.) Or, maybe it's more simple than that--because I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet. Sheesh, in that case, I probably won't feel Christmasy until like Dec 20 or something.I'm Dying to Know
Okay, I talked about how I won this short story contest from a story I wrote about myself and my priest buddy. I was just bursting to share it with him and see what he thought, so I emailed him Thursday about it. I didn't go into detail, I was just like, "Padre, I need you to do me a huge favor. Go to this link, read it and tell me what you think." I still haven't heard back from him, and the suspense is excruciating. Will he be flattered? Apalled? Will he feel weird because this girl in his class wrote a story about him? Like semi-stalked? lol. I'm trying to think how I would feel if it were the other way around. How would I feel if someone wrote a story based on me? I think I'd be flattered. But maybe I'm a little worried because my physical description of him in the very beginning of the story is not exactly flattering, lol. But he's the one who always references his age and weight and jokes around a lot, so I seriously doubt he'd be sensitive about that or anything. We'll see.
Convince Me
Of course, no pre-writing procrastinatory ramblance (yes, I made that up) would be complete without speculation on the, uh . . . shall we say, exactitude of what I "want" (in quotes because of the admittedly problematic nature of that word). I think I've finally hit the nail on the head.(sigh, how many times have we heard that before?)
I want to be convinced.
That's what hasn't happened yet. I have been flattered. I have been endeared. I may have even been impressed. (And being impressed is not as important to me as some people seem to think.) But I haven't been convinced. Convince me that you're worth setting aside for. Convince me that I can let down my guard without regret. Convince me that it's going to work. I thought about it, and this is why nothing so far has lasted. Because I wasn't convinced of those three things. Maybe I'd been convinced of one or two of them at a time, but never all three. The million dollar question is What will it take to convince me? Like I know. lol. But I'd advise whoever can figure it out to not wait until I'm like 40 to do so. Thanks.
Postscript
I'm starting to love it when people think I'm still in high school. I used to hate it, but 26 is around the corner, and though I'm not worried about getting old (26 is not old. Please.), it's still nice to know that I could pass for much younger.
On to the take home final. Aaargh.
2 comments:
i agree with you on the wanting thing. i hate that i do need to be convinced. i need someone more stubborn than me to give me a reason to let go of all my reservations. i haven't met many who even qualify.
Just trust me when I tell you that you will KNOW when the right one comes along. I always wondered if I would know and how would I know and all of that stuff, but when he happened along, I knew...right from the start.
AND, I've been reading about the paper you have been writing and that is one reason I didn't pursue college was knowing that I was going to have to write those lengthy in-depth papers and I just knew that I didn't have it in me....oh, the intelligence, sure....but the stick-to-it-tiveness? I don't know. AND I'm such a procrastinator. I might have been driven to suicidal tendencies! Argh! Anywayyyy....I hope your holidays are going good, Chantell, and that you get hit with the holiday spirit before long. *smile* ((HUGS))
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