That what my heart says when my brain is thinking about making a paradigm shift. Out loud, I say "Oh, great. So, where does this put me now?" (sigh.)
I can't seem to escape it. Ever since I graduated from college I moved from "young adult" to "single" status. Now this whole "single" thing keeps popping out from behind corners trying to blindside me. Okay, it's not like that for real. lol. But understand--after reading these articles, my brain starting doing that thing, and now "uh-oh" is echoing around in my chest cavity. Wait until you have a little bit of time so you can sit down and read these. They're from a Christian webzine called Boundless that I assume is targeted toward the twentysomething crowd (akin to ninetyandnine).
"The Cost of Delaying Marriage"
"Defending 'The Cost of Delaying Marriage'"
"Rethinking the Gift of Singleness"
Ay, caramba, does this mean that . . . am I like . . . is my thinking like . . . is our popular Christian culture's thinking like . . . you see what I mean? 'Cuz first I thought that the seemingly prevalent A/P thinking was warped, a la "get married when you're 12." (and, for the record, I still do.) But now I'm afraid that the new and improved "singleness as gift" might be off. What's a girl to do?
3 comments:
Wow! I'm a bit shocked that people are seen as almost sinners if they aren't married before 30. One part even says that God tells everyone in marriage to be fruitful and multiple. What about those that can't have children. Are they lower-class children of God? I think not!
Obviously things are different than they were 50 years ago. People don't mature as quickly as they use to because they don't have to. With technology and lifestyles the way they are, 10 year olds don't have to go work on the farm and "bring home the bacon." Kids have a chance to be kids much longer. Therefore sometimes it is ridiculous for a 17 year old to get married. Especially when he/she has never had a job, barely knows how to drive, and has no idea what life is all about!
I never saw a timeline in the Bible that said you must be married by this age, have kids by this age, be a grandparent by this age. Everyone is different.
I'm just flabergasted!
Kim, I definitely agree with you on the points that you've made. It's not the article "The Cost of Delaying Marriage" itself that really got to me. I don't exactly buy the whole deal about not being married before 30 either.
You're right. Times have definitely changed. But for the better? What has sort of unsettled me a little bit is what these articles have to say about what modern Christianity's ideas are about the "season of singleness." Have we glorified it into something that it's not? Have our ideas about Christian singleness been warped by our modern societal norms? Here are some excerpts from "Defending 'The Cost of Delaying Marriage'" that sort of got my brain doing that thing:
"To the women, I say stop glorifying the single years as a super-holy season of just you and Jesus. Yes, being single does provide the chance to be uniquely intimate with Jesus. Enjoy that. But don't advertise it. Why? Because it gives guys permission to kick back and let you. If they think you're perfectly happy as a single, why wouldn't they let you stay that way?"
"Now to you women, that's not an excuse to bash men.[Because they lack initiative at times.] You have an important ability to help them move toward marriage. How? By esteeming it. By not being embarrassed about wanting it. By going after it -- to a point. You can nurture men toward marriage by helping them see that it contains a lot of what they're looking for, even if they don't yet know it."
Here are a few from the article "Rethinking the Gift of Singleness" that got me to thinking:
"Now, compare those beliefs [of the 50s, etc.] to what singles are told today. "God is your husband." "Bloom where you are planted." "There are plenty of ministries you can help with during this time." "Be content." "Make the desire of your heart Jesus, not marriage." The desire for marriage has been placed on a collision course with the desire for God, the One Who made marriage in the first place. With this kind of pitting, singles are often reduced to extolling singleness, much like a witch having the grace to drown to prove innocence. In the same vein, these messages dissuade young men from seeking marriage because of the false validation they receive for embarking on the less taxing challenges of mere service activities."
"Single women may take the conclusion offered in this article as a personal affront. They may insist upon validation and affirmation for a state they readily admit resembles a cruel joke as opposed to a gift. However, the answer to our dilemma is not to accelerate our cultural acceptance of protracted singleness or make it look more glorified than it really is. Validating singleness categorically only guarantees more singleness. Perhaps it's time to challenge the ideas that are now in play, especially those in the church."
The thing that makes my heart go "uh-oh" is the realization that perhaps "singleness as a gift" is validating our societal (non-Christian) norms for a non-committal lifestyle wrapped in a Christian package. And that radical feminism has seeped in just a tad because our answer to "But I wanna get married and have kids" is "Chill out and focus your energy on doing things for God. Your singleness is a gift"; thus in a "Christian" way, devaluing the desire to have a partner and start a family by putting it in opposition to "doing the work of God."
I don't know if I'm completely sold on this. But it's thrown me into a state of limbo. I was beginning to embrace "I'm single, my singleness is a gift, I'm not gonna worry about it, Jesus is enough," but now this whole thing about being "purposeful" about marriage is in direct opposition to that. As I stated in my post, what's a girl to do?
i have had to think and rethink about these things so many times...and its hard to even bring it up because people will think that you "have" to have a guy, you aren't waiting correctly on god, etc. i actually have some definite opinions about it all and i keep thinking i should blog about it, but that particular topic is a bit intimidating because there are a lot of conservative apostolic readers out there....but i might do it, sooner rather than later. you aren't alone...i think the whole subject deserves an intense speculation.
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